tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74046201823017587502023-11-16T03:26:53.681-08:00A Seed of Hope Life CoachingA Seed of Hope is a place of hope and encouragement for everyday life. A place of reflection on what is important in life and how to obtain those important elements in life. It doesn't just happen - we need to be intentional about it.CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.comBlogger287125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-48177061673969422222012-07-15T18:31:00.002-07:002012-07-15T18:33:02.385-07:00Overcoming Depression.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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An Action Plan to Overcome Depression:<br />
<br />
1. Examine Your Thinking:<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Think outside yourself</b>. Ask yourself if you’d say what you’re thinking about yourself to someone else. If not, stop being so hard on yourself. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Keep a “negative thought log."</b> Whenever you experience a
negative thought, jot down the thought and what triggered it in a
notebook. Review your log Consider if the negativity was truly
warranted. Ask yourself if there’s another way to view the situation.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Willfully recall God’s blessings in your past</b>? If He was able to handle your past can He not handle your present and future? Think about and write down some of the biggest problems God has brought you through. <br />
</li>
</ul>
2. Examine Your Behavior:<br />
• Are you choosing positive or negative responses to your depression?<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Allow yourself to be less than perfect</b>. Many depressed people are perfectionists, holding themselves to impossibly high standards and then beating themselves up when they fail to meet them. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Socialize with positive people</b>. Notice how people who always look on the bright side deal with challenges, even minor ones, like not being able to find a parking space. Then consider how you would react in the same situation. Even if you have to pretend, try to adopt their optimism and persistence in the face of difficulty.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li> <b>Turn to trusted friends and family members</b>. Share what you’re going through with the people you love and trust. Ask for the help and support you need. You may have retreated from your most treasured relationships, but they can get you through this tough time.<br /> </li>
<li><b>Try to keep up with social activities even if you don’t feel like it</b>. When you’re depressed, it feels more comfortable to retreat into your shell. But being around other people will make you feel less depressed.</li>
</ul>
3. Practical Things that will help with depression:<br />
<ul>
<li> <b>Aim for 8 hours of sleep</b>. Depression typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthy sleep habits.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day</b>. Lack of sunlight can make depression worse. Make sure you’re getting enough. Take a short walk outdoors, have your coffee outside, or sit out in the garden. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Keep stress in check</b>. Not only does stress prolong and worsen depression, but it can also trigger it. Figure out all the things in your life that are stressing you out. Examples include: work overload, unsupportive relationships, taking on too much, or health problems. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can make a plan to avoid them or minimize their impact.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Exercise now…and again. </b> A 10-minute walk can improve your mood for two hours. The key to sustaining mood benefits is to exercise regularly. </li>
</ul>
<b></b><br />
<ul>
<li><b>Don’t skip meals</b>. Going too long between meals can make you feel irritable and tired, so aim to eat something at least every 3-4 hours.<b></b></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>Minimize sugar and refined carbs.</b> You may crave sugary snacks, baked goods, or comfort foods such as pasta or french fries. But these “feel-good” foods quickly lead to a crash in mood and energy.</li>
</ul>
If you find your depression getting worse and worse, seek professional help. Needing additional help doesn’t mean you’re weak. Sometimes the negative thinking in depression can make you feel like you’re a lost cause, but depression can be treated and you can feel better!<br />
<br />
<i>Psalm 43:5<br /><br /> Why am I discouraged?<br /> Why is my heart so sad?<br />I will put my hope in God!<br /> I will praise him again—<br /> my Savior and my God!</i><br />
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-18973552861620781212012-06-04T17:38:00.003-07:002012-06-05T10:44:42.421-07:00Reasons and Symptoms of Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well, its almost 2 months since my last blog - I have been depressed for 2 month and couldn't get to my blog....just kidding...but I was beginning to feel I would never get to it - but I am going to be 'OK" with not keeping up with my blog right now. It is just a really busy season in my life and it's all good stuff but gives me little time and blogs take time. So I will do this as I can and hope anything I get out there will be a help to someone for that moment of their life. So here we go.....<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Depression is a call for help that there is a need in our life or</li>
<li>Depression a warning that we need to take care of ourselves or something in our lives </li>
</ul>
Symptoms of depression:<ul>
<li>feeling hopeless and helpless</li>
<li>lose of perspective</li>
<li>change in diet, sex drive, sleep patterns</li>
<li>low self-esteem</li>
<li>wanting to isolate and escape</li>
<li>becoming paranoid</li>
<li>anger for no apparent reason</li>
<li>feeling guilty - not liking your self</li>
</ul>
<br />
Definition of depression:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>An emotion like any other </li>
<li>Depression is morally neutral</li>
<li>Sometimes a good thing if grieving</li>
<li>Depression is not sin </li>
</ul>
<ul>
</ul>
<br />
Causes of depression:<br />
<br />
Physical<br />
<ul>
<li>Chemical changes in your brain </li>
<li>under active thyroid</li>
<li>Electrolytes out of balance</li>
<li>infections</li>
<li>having a baby can bring change physically and emotionally and become depression</li>
</ul>
<br />
Emotional:<br />
<ul>
<li>a great loss</li>
<li>anger turned inward</li>
<li>guilt real or imagines</li>
<li>stress - major life transitions of any kind</li>
<li>wrong thinking about yourself - self pity, shame </li>
</ul>
<br />
Spiritual:<br />
<ul>
<li>After intensive ministry</li>
<li>guilt for sin</li>
<li>demonic attack</li>
<li>not keeping your priorities in order</li>
<li>Relationship breakdowns</li>
</ul>
So if you have gone through this list and think you are dealing with depression, if it is severe then you should call your doctor to first see if there are some physical or chemical reasons for it- if it is less severe but a constant low grade feeling of sadness then next post we will discuss some ways to overcome depression.<br />
<br />
<i>My enemy has chased me.<br />He has knocked me to the ground<br />And forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.<br /><br />I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.<br />I remember the days of old.<br />I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done.<br />I lift my hands to you in prayer.<br />I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.<br /><br />Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,<br />For my depression deepens.<br />Don’t turn away from me or I will die.<br />Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,<br />For I am trusting you.<br />Show me where to walk for I give myself to you.<br />Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;<br />I run to you to hide me.<br /><br />Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.<br />May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on firm footing.<br />For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life.<br />Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.<br />In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies<br />And destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.<br /><br /> Psalm 143: 3-12 [NLT]</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-31568709881983351842012-04-10T17:27:00.002-07:002012-04-10T17:29:17.459-07:00Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was listening to a podcast by Chip Ingram on depression and the points he made were so good I thought I would write my next few posts on this subject.<br />
<br />
“Depression is as old as human history. The Bible has many examples of people struggling with despondency and despair. In his depression and fatigue, Elijah asked for his life to be taken. Jonah felt deeply despondent after God did not destroy Nineveh. Jeremiah regretted the day he was born. Job’s wife advised him to curse God and die in the midst of the suffering and pain. Well-known church leaders like Martin Luther, John Bunyan, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, and J.B. Phillips struggled with depression and so did political leaders such as Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln.<br />
<br />
Depression is no respecter of persons. It has been called the common cold of emotional disorders, and it appears to be on the rise. In the United States it is one of the most prevalent and serious mental disorders, affecting about 20 percent of the population at some time in their lives. People of both genders get depressed, although women are twice as likely as men to suffer from major depressive and dysthymic disorders.”<br />
<br />
<i>From Understanding and Coping with Depression</i><br />
<br />
What are we to do when we are depressed? There are not any easy answers and we have to realize that depression is very complex and comes from multiple factors. But this we can know - that God is there, He understands and wants to help you. <br />
<br />
Psalm 77 gives a a great reference to depression in the bible - the psalmist in this psalm described all the thoughts we have when we are depressed. <br />
<br />
1I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. 2When I was<br />
in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul<br />
refused to be comforted. 3I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused,<br />
and my spirit grew faint.<br />
<br />
As you read on in the psalm you see that the psalmist asked these questions:<br />
<ol>
<li>Is this ever going to end?</li>
<li>Will life never get better?</li>
<li>Does God not love me anymore? </li>
<li>Is God angry at me?</li>
<li>Is there something I did that I don't understand ?</li>
<li>Where is God and where are His promises ? </li>
</ol>
Two things to remember about depression:<br />
<br />
1. Times of depression are something even the most godly wrestle with on occasion. (it is normal and it happens to everyone at sometime.)<br />
Psalm77:1-9<br />
2. Taking time to recall God’s specific blessings in our past, provides perspective and peace in the present.<br />
Psalm77:10-20<br />
<br />
Next post - The symptoms and reasons for depression <br />
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-91787018601526645022012-03-05T05:22:00.000-08:002012-03-05T05:22:58.526-08:00Discouragment - 3 more causes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last post we talked about the first cause of discouragement: Fatigue. Today we will talk about the next three most common causes of discouragement.<br />
<br />
Each one of these when we realize how they are affecting us can be corrected and dealt with. But we have to be aware. So as stated last post if you are fatigued and tired - you become emotionally vulnerable. We have to take time to take care of ourselves. We will waste more time being discouraged if we don't.<br />
<br />
<b>The next three causes of discouragement is:</b><br />
<br />
<b>2. Loss of Vision: </b> We begin to lose our vision for our lives, especially when we are going through difficult times we can feel like we are just existing. But we have to change our perspective of what our trial is doing in our life. It is strengthening us - we are an example and inspiration to others. We are a testimony to how God can hold us up during difficult times. <br />
So how do we create vision when we feel all is lost or too hard? Be pro-active, begin to look at your thought process and when it is negative change it to a positive. Have a plan, don't let life just carry you - always pray but then take action. In other words, evaluate your use of time, energy, and other resources. . Phil 4:8<br />
<br />
<b>3. Loss of Confidence</b><br />
Remember who is for you (the God of the impossible) With God nothing is impossible in the situation you are in right now. Remember who you are. You are God's child, you are able through Him to do the task set before you - you are given a new day and a new beginning every day. <br />
Lam 3:22-23<br />
<br />
<b>4. Loss of security - "Fear"</b><br />
Projecting into the future - not keeping in mind God's promises. We have to fight to see the good things in your life - change your perspective. Our thoughts directly affect our feelings and then our behavior. Paul was in prison most of his ministry but wrote about joy and contentment. When we lean on the Lord He expands our abilities to handle the situation we are in. <br />
Believe that God is in control (Ps. 103:19), loves you, and will never
leave you (Heb. 13:5). He can turn adversity into something good.<br />
<br />
Practical things to do when discouraged:<br />
1. Exercise<br />
2. Do something fun<br />
3. Listen to praise and worship music<br />
4. Think back to all the things God has brought you through.<br />
5. Remember who God is<br />
6. Look at what your thought process is - do you need to change your perspective<br />
7. Don't isolate - discouragement grows in the environment of isolation<br />
8. Do something for someone who has a need. <br />
9. Keep a gratitude journal - write down 3 things everyday that you are thankful for. <br />
<br />
<i>Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you" (Psalm 39:7, NLT). </i><br />
<br />
“The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me,’ or “Help me.”<br />
Billy Graham<br />
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-61266284187913055972012-02-22T05:30:00.003-08:002012-02-22T05:30:33.533-08:00Discouragment - Our Greatest Enemy.<br />
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One of the greatest enemies we have in life, especially when we are in a place of adversity in our life is "DISCOURAGEMENT"<br />
<br />
Question 1:<br />
What is the most discouraging circumstance in your life right now? What do you wish would just go away?<br />
Next question? Why is it so important to press through that circumstance?<br />
<br />
Some of the greatest things that will ever happen in your life, acheivements, relationships, impact on lives, closeness to God, growth as a person will happen during times of discouragement. Most of the time when we quit we are just on the cusp of something great happening in our lives.<br />
<br />
God's knows we need to learn endurance. When we are going through adversity God wants us to persevere and trust Him. He wants us to be strong, mature people. It is only through adversity that these qualities come into our lives. <br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>James 1:3 - "For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow"</i><br />
<br />
Most of the time when we are taking steps of faith in a difficult situation things get worse for a season not better. We go to marriage counseling, we make a choice to serve God in a greater way thinking things should immediately turn around and instead they get worse it makes us discouraged and want to give up. Of course, the enemy will try to stop us from moving forward. But again, as we endure we will see things begin to turn around. <br />
<br />
Words that the enemy bring into our minds in times of adversity are usually an attack on our worth, "you are inadequate" "you are too weak" " you can't do this' "nothing ever goes right for me" These words in our head bring us to a place of discouragement <br />
<br />
<b>There are four causes of Discouragement:</b><br />
<br />
1. <b>Fatigue</b> - you are vunerable to become very discouraged if you are not taking care of yourself physically and emotionally - not enough sleep, not exercising, not enough down time, never having fun and enjoyable, over extending yourself.<br />
<br />
We have to take time to take care of ourselves when going through adversity. You may say, "I don't have time to take care of myself", my answer to that is " you don't have time not to take care of yourself" because if you don't - all the things you think are so important you may lose anyway if you don't take care of yourself. <br />
<br />
When we are going through adversity or crisis in life we need to pay special attention to ourselves, we need to do 70% of what we usually do. This is so important. You have to ask yourselves why you make excuses not to slow down. Sometimes it's because staying so busy keeps us from having to deal with our feelings or our thoughts. <br />
<br />
Take baby steps - take a day off and do some self-care. Look at your schedule - what can you shave off if only for a season? What are you wasting time on that you can use to rest, exercise, quiet time with God or do something you love? <br />
<br />
If you are in a place of adversity or crisis right now - Ask God to show you what you can do to take care of yourself and become refreshed during this time.<br />
<br />
Next Post - 3 more causes of Discouragement.CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-30407342002284224242012-01-12T05:00:00.000-08:002012-01-12T05:01:11.945-08:00Adversity - The Purpose...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Adversity changes us - is what shapes the knew us, the better us if we allow it to. We as humans are always trying to stay comfortable, we are always trying to avoid adversity. I am one who has tried this more than anyone to stay happy and comfortable in life - I know. I don't like to be uncomfortable, or sad or unsure of what is going to happen next....I don't think I'm alone in this.<br />
<br />
Someone once said: <br />
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" (Neale Donald Walsch)<br />
<br />
The next step in facing adversity is to realize these things:<br />
<ol>
<li>Difficulties, trials, adversity is normal, expected and purposeful. 1 Peter 5:10 </li>
<li>God will transform your life through adversity</li>
<li>Adversity is temporary. </li>
</ol>
If you meet people who have alot of character, have rich relationships, an amazing amount of wisdom and maturity and have great influence and are inspiring to others - I can pretty much guarantee they have been through adversity and come out the other side changed for the better.<br />
<br />
In our world instead of going through adversity and letting it change us we give up - We give up on our vision, we give up on our marriage, we give up on our close relationships and sometimes we give us on life. Many times we are at the turning point, the point where it will get better but we give up because it is too uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
We must overcome difficult, painful things in every season in our lives to become the people God purposes us to be - to confirm, strengthen and establish us. <br />
<br />
We need to look at adversity differently -instead of looking at it as "this is unfair" try looking at is that "This is normal" ", "This is expected", "This is creating a purpose in me", "This is temporary"<br />
"What does God what to do with this in my life"<br />
<br />
Instead of God changing our outward circumstances, He is changing you (if you allow Him) - You and I through adversity are becoming more patient, more loving, more kind, this gives us hope and realizing that God is working in our situation<br />
<br />
Adversity is the unwanted and uninvited "friend" in the hands of an all knowing God - not your enemy ( as we usually view it) It is there to reveal to us our self - dependency and pride, give us deeper intimacy with Jesus and redirect our path to insure our greatest good and His glory - we learn to trust Gods character and His Word in all this and through all things.<br />
<br />
1 Peter 5:10<br />
New Living Translation (NLT)<br />
<i>In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.</i><br />
<br />
Next Post - How to face discouragement<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Some excepts from this blog was taken from Chip Ingram - "Living on the Edge"</i></span>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-18121155213897175352012-01-08T17:44:00.000-08:002012-01-08T17:45:26.069-08:00Dealing with Adversity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As we begin the new year I was thinking about what would be a good topic for this blog. My intention of this blog is to give anyone who reads it "tools" to have better relationships, to learn behavior and thinking to make every part of your being - spirit, your soul and your body as healthy as possible.<br />
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As a counselor/life coach I see probably more problems than most people but I do believe we are in a time in our world that life is more difficult for most people than it has been in the past, at least the past that most of us can remember.<br />
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So I thought I would focus a few blogs of how to deal with "Adversity"<br />
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What is "adversity?" Well, Websters says, adversity is:<br />
, trouble, difficulty, hardship, distress, disaster, suffering, affliction, sorrow, misery, tribulation, woe, pain, trauma; mishap, misadventure, accident, upset, reverse, setback, crisis, catastrophe, tragedy, calamity, trial, cross, burden, blow; hard times, trials and tribulations;<br />
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Some of these things at one time or another will affect our lives. Very few people, if any, get through this life without some trials and difficulties and most people have quite a few.<br />
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One of the biggest problems that happen when we are faced with adversity, or trials, or troubles, especially if it goes on for an extended amount of time is we can begin to give up or shut down. Just going through the motions on the outside but inwardly quit. <br />
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One of the reasons we as Christians struggle with adversity is we have some wrong thinking about it.<br />
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Most of the time when we are struggling through adversity we avoid it, deny it, blame someone else, instead of asking God to use our situation in whatever way He feels is needed, instead of crying out to Him. We want to be in control of the situation and actually think we are although we absolutely are not. <br />
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One of the first steps of dealing with adversity is to admit you need God to help you and you need to cry out to Him when you feel like giving up. You need to admit your need. You need to face it. <br />
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<i>Psalm 34:17-19 17 </i><br />
<i>The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.<br /> He rescues them from all their troubles.<br /> The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;<br /> he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. </i><br />
<i>The righteous person faces many troubles, </i><br />
<i>but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.</i><br />
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What is the number one thing you are dealing with? Are you ignoring it - staying so busy you don't have to deal with it? Are you blaming someone else for it?<br />
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Next post we will talk about once we admit we have a problem, we admit we can't control it, we admit we feel like giving up or we "feel" like we can not take one more thing - what is the next step?CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-86081715234653856352012-01-01T19:35:00.000-08:002012-01-01T19:35:04.380-08:00Happy New Year!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well, I have a couple hours to say Happy New Year. It's 10pm an we got back a few hours ago from a great New Years Party at my niece Bev's house. Lot's of great food, wonderful people and good conversation. A great way to start the year.<br />
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I was going to write about setting New Years goals or resolutions but was reading a great article in the Parade section of the paper and thought I would share an idea for the New Year. <br />
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It was from a book called, "The Simple Act of Gratitude" What this author wrote about was his experience of making a New Years Goal of handwriting a note of thanks at least one time a day for the year. That would be 365 handwritten notes of thanks. <br />
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Here are the steps it takes to get started:<br />
1. Try to not use email or any other means of technology. Handwritten notes feels special. You can get plain note cards at the dollar store or get some with your initial on it. <br />
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2. Be specific. You could start by sending notes to those who gave you presents for Christmas. "Dear...., Thank you for the (Starbucks gift card) it is one of my favorite places for coffee. <br />
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3. Next start writing to close friends and family about how much you appreciate them, again being specific. Then write to people who have helped you in critical moments in life, or to a server at a restaurant or coffee shop that you go to frequently. You can send them or hand them to the people your thanking (at a shop or store)<br />
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4. Keep it simple. Just three or four sentences.<br />
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I'm going to start this tomorrow, my goal will be to write a note everyday but I will be flexible and at least try to at least send or give a note to someone at least 3 times a week. I will keep you posted!<br />
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-20926223400038276922011-12-24T18:50:00.000-08:002011-12-25T04:34:11.671-08:00Merry Christmas!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As I have a few moments this Christmas Eve I wanted to wish all my 1 or 2 readers :) a very Merry Christmas. As I reflect on the events of this past month I am filled with gratitude for all the many blessings in my life. We have had many special and fun family and friend events already and I am ever mindful that each day is a gift and every relationship is blessing in my life.<br />
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I haven't been totally successful all month to keep my focus on the important things in life and what this season is truly all about but I am doing better than in some years past. <br />
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I just want to take this post to encourage anyone reading to wake up tomorrow with a heart full of thanksgiving for all God has done or is doing in your life. Before the craziness of the day begin take a few moments to reflect on what Christmas is really about - Jesus coming to earth as a baby to live a human life so He could understand all that we feel and go through and then eventually die on the cross for our sins. <br />
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Here is the scripture that you can reflect on and read to begin your Christmas day.<br />
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<b>Luke 2<br /><br />The Birth of Jesus</b><br />
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1-5About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his wife, who was pregnant.<br />
6-7While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.<br />
8-12There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger."<br />
13-14At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises: <br />
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Glory to God in the heavenly heights, <br />
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.<br />
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15-18As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.<br />
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19-20Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!<br />
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Have a Blessed Christmas!!<br />
KathyCoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-37248423951532005782011-12-11T15:31:00.001-08:002011-12-11T16:12:38.017-08:00The TRUTH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</style>Since it has been a couple weeks since my last post - we have had a lot of time to think about those lies! :) Once we reveal the lies we have come to accept and believe about our self,others or God we need to correct them.<br />
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Basically, if you are saying and believing these lies - they are affecting your daily life. They become part of who you are and that is not who God says you are. I personally want to be in agreement with who God says I am so how do we do that?<br />
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The best way I have found is to write the lies in one column. (you need 3 columns) in the second column you write what the truth is according to God's Word and the last column you write the scriptures that back up that truth. It will look something like the table below. <br />
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Once you have completed your "Truths" you will say them to yourself everyday until they are solidly in your heart!! When I lie comes into your mind you will immediately reverse it to a truth.<br />
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Do this and I will guarantee you will see change in your life. As you notice lies coming into your mind write them down and write a truth. Until we are aware of what we are thinking or saying we really don't realize how many lies we feed ourselves everyday.<br />
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Every week pick a scripture that is the one you struggle with the most and apply it every day to your life. <br />
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<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" height="824" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: medium none; width: 644px;">
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<b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Lies </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Truth (based on God's Word) </span></b></div>
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I’ve missed God’s best for me</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">My best is</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">YET TO COME</span></b></div>
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1 Corinthians 2:9</div>
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I can never be/do good enough</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I AM GOOD</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">enough through Christ</span></b></div>
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Philippians 3:12–14 </div>
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I will always be passive</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I am MORE</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">than a</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">CONQUEROR</span></b></div>
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Romans 8:37 </div>
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I will always be stuck and never move forward</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> have a</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">HOPE</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">and a</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">FUTURE</span></b></div>
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Jeremiah 29:11</div>
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I am not accepted for who I am</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I am “ACCEPTED” through</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> Christ Jesus</span></b></div>
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Romans 8:38 - 39,</div>
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My value is based of other peoples perceptions</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I am the RIGHTEOUSNESS</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">of God</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">in Christ Jesus</span></b></div>
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</tbody></table>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-49883099064072385462011-11-07T04:30:00.000-08:002011-11-07T04:30:44.027-08:00Where Do the Lies Come From<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCUNJtrMcpfkARSgkkABtBOkz8WR3LNoaBGKAjJg_aEQeelsckbywTYf_aSN-slhgsayOsddVkuOS6Sv_1dTNM3Mx2o51q74CEKtk1TtmWQEajewvztGHWVyH8fTZdg0F8Dkx_8yvSQh8/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCUNJtrMcpfkARSgkkABtBOkz8WR3LNoaBGKAjJg_aEQeelsckbywTYf_aSN-slhgsayOsddVkuOS6Sv_1dTNM3Mx2o51q74CEKtk1TtmWQEajewvztGHWVyH8fTZdg0F8Dkx_8yvSQh8/s320/Unknown.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
The last post we talked about the fact that as we are stopped by being successful, happy and content in life because of the "lies that we believe" about ourselves and God. Today I want to look at where these lies come from.<br />
<br />
The most obvious place these lies come from are from life experiences. This is what it looks like:<br />
<br />
We have an <b>experience</b> in childhood mostly - in our family, in school, in the neighborhood and that experience early in our life creates a <b>belief</b>. A belief about ourselves, sometimes others and sometimes God.<br />
<br />
If that experience was a bad or negative experience then the belief will be bad or negative or in other words "a lie" How do we know that a belief that you have about yourself or God is a lie? If it doesn't line up with what God says in His Word it is a lie.<br />
<br />
So then we go along in life believing this "lie" and then we begin to "expect" our belief to be fulfilled so we behave according to the lie we believe - then the end result is another experience that reinforces the "lie" that we believe.<br />
<br />
Let me give you an example:<br />
<br />
You have an experience of being abandoned early in life - your mom or dad leave - because of divorce or they just never were there or maybe even they emotionally aren't there - so your belief system starts to tell you "people I love will always leave me" then you become a teenager and meet your first love and as usually happens it doesn't work - and they leave - the belief is now reinforced - now the "lie" that " everyone I love will always leave me" or "I will always be alone" or "no one accepts me for who I am" and you now "expect" people to hurt you and leave you.......<br />
<br />
So then to protect yourself you begin to build walls around yourself emotionally - making sure that no one get close enough to hurt you. Those walls could look like anger or indifference or lack of intimacy. In other words you have now adopted a behavior that pushes people away or sabotage's relationships so you experience once again those closest to you leaving or being distant or disconnected but now it's not because of them but because of your behavior.<br />
<br />
So now your false belief is reinforced over and over until it is so entrenched inside your spirit and soul that it is part of you.<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">The
way to stop the Belief – Expectation cycle is to intervene between the
Experience and the Belief stages of the cycle. We must choose God’s truth as
our new belief. When we replace the old lie with God’s truth, then the other
parts of the cycle will change.</span></div>
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<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Think of an example of a "Lie" that has operated in your life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">What experience got this belief established? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">What expectations and behaviors
come out of this belief? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Are you ready to change this belief? </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Next post we will look at how to recognize the lies..... so we can change them</span>
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<i><br /></i><br />
<i>And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32</i>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-26960166545411624322011-10-26T18:57:00.000-07:002011-10-26T18:57:49.685-07:00The Lies We Believe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In my few posts in the last couple months we have been talking about some of the things in our lives that will hinder us from becoming healthy, whole and free. Free to be who God created us to be, to fulfill the purposes He has for us and live out the potential that is with in us. We talked about codependency, destructive family patterns and discontentment. <br />
<br />
I had an opportunity to speak at a Ladies Retreat at <a href="http://www.faithoutreachcenter.org/">Faith Outreach Center</a>. This is a very special church and group of ladies to me. This is the church I grew up in spiritually and learned so much of what God has called me to do. <br />
<br />
As I prayed about what God would have me share with the ladies I truly felt it was the four areas I have found to keep us from moving forward in our lives. These are areas that I work on often with my clients and when they really work on them and do the spiritual and practical work that needs to be done, there is change.<br />
<br />
Two of the areas I have already talked about in this blog. <br />
<ol>
<li><a href="http://kathysthots.blogspot.com/2011/09/exploring-your-family-map.html">Destructive Family Patterns</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://kathysthots.blogspot.com/2011/03/detoxing-our-emotions-i-choose-to.html">Unforgiveness</a></li>
</ol>
The other two are:<br />
<br /> 3. Any kind of sexual brokenness(past abuse, trauma or misuse)<br />
<br />
And the one I'm going to talk about for the next couple posts:<br />
<br />
4. The LIES we believe<br />
<br />
The lies we believe about ourselves and God. Most of these lies come from other 3 above experiences:<br />
<br />
Next post we will begin to look at the lies that we have embraced about ourselves based on our experiences, circumstances and our culture.CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-79943221320497197372011-10-19T18:59:00.000-07:002011-10-19T18:59:19.769-07:00Being Content in Every Season of Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There probably isn't anyone reading my blog anymore after a month of no posts but I am back and will try to be more consistent. It has been a whirlwind of a month but it's all been good things so I can't complain....just couldn't keep up with a blog on top of everything else.<br />
<br />
During the last month that I went missing.....I was on vacation....North Carolina for 2 weeks. We usually go with our daughter and her family but they couldn't go this year so it was more quiet then past times and they were all greatly missed but it was a great time to catch up with my reading and spending some quality time with God and of course some quality time with my hubby. :) <br />
<br />
When I returned home a couple weeks ago, I was playing catch up for the next two weeks. Lots of client appointments, a small group that I was leading, and a Ladies Retreat that I was speaking at. <br />
<br />
The small group I lead is a group of sweet young moms and wives, we meet once a month and this month I spoke to them about contentment in their season of life. They are in a difficult season with small children, lots of financial pressure, still working through the challenges of marriage but in reality every season has it's challenges and one of the greatest skills we can learn to enjoy every season is "Contentment."<br />
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<span style="color: black;">Contentment is a learned skill: To
be chosen, adopted, mastered and applied.<span>
</span>It doesn’t mean there aren’t disappointments in life, it doesn’t mean we
are in denial, It just means that we can resolve to be content and it will
change our view of everything in life. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black;">Philippians 4:11-13</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> (NLT)</span></i></div>
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<i><sup><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">11</span></sup><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"> Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be
content with whatever I have. <sup>12</sup> I know how to live on almost
nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every
situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. <sup>13</sup>
For I can do everything through Christ,<sup>[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4%3A11-13&version=NLT#fen-NLT-29415a"><span style="color: black;">a</span></a>]</sup> who gives me strength</span></i></div>
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<span style="color: black;">The Greek word for contentment in this verse means "inner sufficiency"
satisfaction found through the depth of ones own life with God independent of
surroundings</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">A woman who is content is a woman
who has chosen to be satisfied with what she has, who she is, and with where
she lives.<span> </span>Women of substance,
satisfaction who has chosen contentment over displeasure. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">How do you do this? Easier said then done right? Yes, like most things in this life contentment is a learned, practiced behavior - the more you choose to be content and enjoy where you are for the moment the more you will find it just becoming part of who you are. In </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">2
Corinthians 9:8</span></b></span><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;"> (NLT) it says, </span></div>
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<sup><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;"></span></sup><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will
always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">When you can get the mindset that what you have on hand is enough
that it is adequate and deemed by God as sufficient then you are ready to fully
participate in the tasks set before you at this season of life. </span></div>
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So today: Ask yourself..."Am I embracing the season of life I am in?
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-1496179340343359342011-09-20T17:48:00.000-07:002011-09-20T18:03:41.736-07:00Exploring Your Family Map<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiPq5J2gmAxCFWAxvocrZo9oqk50HbiRLDO_GRKZDVZY6KqCm8TrmTT-BM4CH5PEOwrTQJ0s5JVy_KFwiALDDNPTTMc37YgZ0FXGfEBXt3YkzhU7KcAEVFuWVSZ7MuE-wotocvy-DQzv4/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiPq5J2gmAxCFWAxvocrZo9oqk50HbiRLDO_GRKZDVZY6KqCm8TrmTT-BM4CH5PEOwrTQJ0s5JVy_KFwiALDDNPTTMc37YgZ0FXGfEBXt3YkzhU7KcAEVFuWVSZ7MuE-wotocvy-DQzv4/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div>
Creating a family tree (genogram) will help you to get a better picture of your family patterns. As you observe relational patterns in your family, try to see if there are any you need to work on. Sometimes, it's hard to see ourselves as others do so if you are really serious about working on yourself - ask someone that you trust and won't get mad at if they tell you the truth.<br />
<br />
Some patterns to watch for are closeness of family members, communication patterns, behavioral or emotional problems, job problems, addictions, anger and even occupations of family members.<br />
<br />
You want to go back at least three generations. What patterns of serious problems do you see? How did your family handle stress, what did their marriages look like, how did parents relate to children, what were some of the health problems in your family line. Was there alot of emotional disconnection in your family line. Did family member feel like they belonged?<br />
<br />
Again, this is not to become depressed or angry at your family if there are some destructive patterns. This is an opportunity to look at the reality of what may have been passed down to you and what areas you may need to work on. The more you work on you the better chance your children have of not struggling with these same patterns or at least to a lesser degree. The goal is for each generation to continue to get healthier in every way.<br />
<br />
So what do you do with all this information -<br />
1. Look at what family patterns are continuing through you -<br />
2. Admit this is an area you need to work on.<br />
3. Ask God to help you break this family pattern and replace it with something positive<br />
4. Get an accountability partner to work with you on this. Come up with a plan. <br />
<br />
If you do all the above and still struggle to get past certain family patterns you may need some inner healing in that area of your life. I recommend<a href="http://www.anothenlife.org/ourprograms/restoringthefoundations.html"> Anothenlife Ministries</a> to anyone that needs in depth help in this area of their lives. <br />
<br />
The process of genuine change does not occur by magic. Breaking a cycle of family patterns happens not by waving a wand or by reading a verse but with the combination of the Holy Spirit, The Word, other believers in our lives and our own determination and will. <br />
<br />
<i>Trust in Him at all time, O people; Pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8</i><br />
<br />CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-77975311827557593582011-09-11T16:13:00.000-07:002011-09-11T16:13:34.327-07:00Breaking Destructive Generational Patterns<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAPu5pv3xeeWEJPTyOsvBfGbyQIWO8U9zeAGr-LdXOpguizm-DZ-cpRxru2pzQMRGiyqW812F__GJvAU3zWWpDidaHuRh7Thsx7uF1yhzEbwMIov4oOjiCS6IJC9is8j1CsNVDswvdmDs/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAPu5pv3xeeWEJPTyOsvBfGbyQIWO8U9zeAGr-LdXOpguizm-DZ-cpRxru2pzQMRGiyqW812F__GJvAU3zWWpDidaHuRh7Thsx7uF1yhzEbwMIov4oOjiCS6IJC9is8j1CsNVDswvdmDs/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
Last post we discussed the well know term "Dysfunctional" family. We know what that is, may even know we were in one or are in one, but we don't often know how to change those patterns in our own lives. <br />
<br />
Most families have some sort of harmful patterns in them. We aren't perfect people, and we usually pass these behaviors from generation to generation with out even realizing it. We can't really blame anyone because these patterns usually started so far back in our family that when we really examine our family we will see our parents probably had parents that had alot of destructive behavior because their parents had them and on and on. And most people from the earlier generations didn't talk about such things, they didn't have all the resources we have to heal and change and become free of these patterns. So I never blame anyone for the patterns that came to me through my family line because as I have looked at it I totally understand and only feel gratitude for the good things that did come through and the positive changes they did make.<br />
<br />
So how do we really begin to recognize what those patterns are that we may need to change in our lives so this destructive behavior does not keep being passed down? One way is of course to just look at some areas in which we struggle and know it isn't healthy behavior but unfortunately we tend to have alot of blind spots and denial in most of us.<br />
<br />
So the best way to look at truth and reality is to see it in black and white. A tool I use with many of my clients to do this is called a <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5664033_draw-genograms.html">genogram.</a> It is basically constructing your family tree on paper but once you have all the people in place - probably going to at least grandparents - you then write down the patterns that you know of next to the name of each person - you will continue to do this throughout the genogram until you get to YOU. Then you list beside your name all the things you can see that are now still part of your behavioral pattens. Now a great thing to do is later to put all the positives but for purposes of changing behavior you do focus on the negatives for now.<br />
<br />
Here is an example of what it may look like:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Hayhl5PvAqBWyxIGl2kP_aB1Z_G2NBxoWY1waPEF2Ert5L80JlYmoLNapQFWnV_jFbLqlmjUL3Nd4s-v_4RQozLjdd4YH5OCC37eLLCKg5f0tCjUQMsgpIH8TH9vII-UUbl4yEFd2zA/s1600/Template.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Hayhl5PvAqBWyxIGl2kP_aB1Z_G2NBxoWY1waPEF2Ert5L80JlYmoLNapQFWnV_jFbLqlmjUL3Nd4s-v_4RQozLjdd4YH5OCC37eLLCKg5f0tCjUQMsgpIH8TH9vII-UUbl4yEFd2zA/s400/Template.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family Genogram</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
There is something about seeing a BIG picture in black in white that brings reality into our thinking. <br />
So now you can get depressed about your family or you can be really happy that you can change all those destructive patterns for yourself and your descendants. Lack of knowledge and understanding doesn't improve our lives but understanding fully why we do what we do and realizing we have the ability through Jesus to change those patterns in our lives and in doing so it will set a new pattern for everyone else. This is exciting stuff!!!<br />
<br />
It doesn't matter what season of life you are in or how old - it is never too early or too late to bring positive, healthy change into our lives. <br />
<br />Next Post: Some common patterns in families that might not be so obvious.<br />
CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-59424674277834022552011-08-20T12:32:00.000-07:002011-08-20T12:35:10.440-07:00The Dysfunctional Family<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As we talked about last post, the functional family teaches its members basic skills: To feel, to trust and to talk. It is a "safe" place where you understand that you are loved even when you make a mistake or have a different opinion than the others in the family. It keeps open, honest and loving communication flowing.<br />
<br />
A dysfunctional family system simply lacks these skills because:<br />
<ul>
<li>Someone in the family is emotionally or physically abusive or absent, or possibly an addict. Unconditional love is not present</li>
<li>Someone in the family is physically or mentally ill. Not enough time or energy to take care of the members needs</li>
<li>Family secrets are the rule...the message is we don't talk about things - even among the members</li>
<li>One member of the family controls the others so they feel like robots</li>
</ul>
A family is dysfunctional if life skills are not being taught. A family is dysfunctional if the members don't feel valued and protected. Usually a family member knows something is wrong but the rules against expressing feelings, trusting or talking make talking about the problem very difficult so denial becomes the norm. Denial is an unwillingness or inability to be honest about our feelings. It can become a life pattern. The result is growth and development as a person is hindered and a loss of identity can manifest.<br />
<br />
Dysfunctional families don't work because they don't teach the skills needed to have happy effective lives.<br />
<br />
The point of all this is not to blame because all these behaviors are passed down from generation to generation so if you want to cast blame it would probably have to be on your great - great - great grandparents and they probably got it from those before them. The point is to recognize any passed down family dysfunction and change it in you so it will not continue to be passed down anymore. <br />
<br />
We are going to take some time to see how these cycles begin in families and how we can learn to break the cycles and replace destructive patterns with Christ-honoring patterns of behavior<br />
<br />
Next post we will talk about how destructive patterns creep into a family line. <br />
<br />
<br />
Can you identify any harmful family patterns you need to change?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Teach God's teachings to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deut. 11:19</i> CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-46291859333216776442011-08-09T18:57:00.000-07:002011-08-09T19:01:24.742-07:00A Functional Family....What is that???<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Co-dependency, functional, dysfunctional are all words that many of us have heard for years and yet I think we really do need to revisit what these words mean. We live in a word that is so confusing in so many ways but especially in having an understanding of what a "healthy" functional family looks like or for that matter what a "healthy" functional person looks like. Is there such a thing???<br />
<br />
Well, we will never be perfect or even totally functional in this life but we can at least work toward at least knowing what functional looks like and work toward being the healthiest person you can be.<br />
<br />
So....back to the question.....What is a functional family? A family is a system in which each person's behavior affects all the other members. This family unit is characterized by a sense of family wholeness. Each family member has a feeling of belonging which contributes to their personal self-esteem. They learn they can trust, feel, and talk about many - if not all - the issues in their lives.<br />
<br />
One of the most important things we can learn from our family is how to have healthy relationships. Three skills are needed to have a healthy relationship and they are the abilities to feel, to trust and to talk. <br />
<br />
How are these skills taught:<br />
1. By modeling consistency and dependability trust is learned<br />
2. By respecting and talking about emotions, hurts and joys, we learn it's ok to express feeling.<br />
3. By taking time to listen and value what is said we learn how to talk in a open and healthy way. <br />
<br />
A family should teach these truths:<br />
<ul>
<li>That my worth is based upon who I am and I am loved and I belong</li>
<li>That my worth is not based on my performance: I will be loved even if I make a mistake.</li>
</ul>
God is the ultimate functional parent. He loves us with unconditional love. He says, "I love you because of who you are and I will continue to love you no matter what"<br />
<br />
<b>So bottom line:</b><br />
<b>1 Healthy families establish healthy priorities.</b><br />
<b><br />2 Healthy families ask for--and give--respect.</b>Members in healthy families know respect is a two-way street. In order to receive respect; you must first give it.<br />
<b><br />3 Healthy families communicate.</b><br />
Happy families talk and listen to each other. They respect the other person's point of view, even when it differs from their own. In healthy families, members practice "active listening" says Mary Durkin, Ph.D., author, lecturer and mother of seven. In her book, Making Your Family Work, she says the following five qualities are common to active listeners.<br />
<br />
* Giving the other person opportunities to express ideas and feelings--without interrupting.<br />
<br />
* Making an honest attempt to understand these ideas and feelings.<br />
<br />
* Setting aside preconceived opinions about the other person.<br />
<br />
* Showing respect for the other person's right to hold a view different from yours.<br />
<br />
* Demonstrating your appreciation for the effort the other person is making.<br />
<br />
<b>4 Healthy families have a sense of play and humor.</b>Educator Dolores Curran surveyed 550 family professionals--teachers, clergy, pediatricians, social workers, counselors, leaders of volunteer organizations--asking them to list the top 15 traits common to healthy families. A sense of play and humor was number five on the list. In her book, Traits of a Healthy Family, Curran notes, "Good families seem able to keep their work and play in perspective. Like the people in the early agricultural communities, when they work, they work hard and when they play, they play hard. They feel no guilt when they reward themselves by relaxing. A sense of humor in the family also keeps things in perspective and works as an antidote to drudgery, depression and conflict within families."<br />
<br />
<b>5 Healthy families foster responsibility.</b>Strong, secure families stress a sense of personal responsibility and obligation toward others.<br />
<br />
<b>6 Healthy families instill strong moral and spiritual foundations.</b><br />
Healthy families find ways to cultivate strong spiritual and moral foundations. Some of the ways to do this is to find ways to teach good character traits to children through volunteering and helping others. Being involved in church and/or groups that instill Godly values and principles all contribute to a healthy foundation.<br />
<br />Next post: The Dysfunctional FamilyCoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-1215968762475266162011-08-01T12:03:00.000-07:002011-08-01T13:47:42.340-07:00What is Codependency<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>What is codependency? </b></span><br />
<br />
Codependency is a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship. "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior" (Beattie, M., Codependent No More). <br />
<br />
Sometimes, the codependent is in a familial or other relationship that involves alcohol, substance abuse, physical abuse, pornography, gambling, or other destructive behaviors. The codependent has learned to interact or behave in such ways that they believe will help but never does. <br />
<br />
They often feel tremendous guilt, responsibility or need to "fix" by controlling the actions of others, especially the one who owns the original problem. The codependent develops intense feelings and will try anything to make the family or relationship survive. <br />
<br />
It's very common to "cover up" the behavior of their loved one; this is called enabling. By enabling, they are allowing the behavior to continue and cause avoidance of natural consequences. Codependents don't want to "rock the boat." They therefore are willing to do most anything just to keep peace. This too is where other family members learn to function in this manner creating the all too common "dysfunctional family." <br />
<br />
The codependent will often accept blame for the situation. For instance, in a dysfunctional relationship the codependent will either accept or proclaim that "It's entirely my fault; it's because of something I did wrong." <br />
<br />
This fits the source, the dysfunctional person (the addict, abusive person etc) just fine since that person looks for others to blame for their actions. The dysfunctional person is denying, floundering, and usually very capable of using whatever means of escape possible. They are not beyond threats, coercion, or manipulation to avoid taking responsibility. <br />
<br />
Bottom line definition: Codependency is a <b>compulsion </b>to control and rescue people by fixing their problems. it occurs when a person's needs for love and security are not met. <br />
<br />
Codependency has three core behaviors and three emotional results.<br />
<br />
Behaviors:<br />
1. Lack of Objectivity: the inability to see things as they really are. Past hurts keep warping our view of present events.<br />
2. A Warped Sense of Responsibility: not having good boundaries to tell us our responsibilities vs others responsibilities.<br />
3. Being Controlled and Controlling Others: Since we don't have good boundaries we alternate between invading others space and allowing them to invade our space and manipulate us.<br />
<br />
Emotions:<br />
1. Hurt/Anger<br />
3. Guilt<br />
4. Loneliness<br />
<br />
Next post we will look at what a "Functional" Family looks like..CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-21922196888391349922011-07-31T08:50:00.000-07:002011-07-31T08:57:40.457-07:00<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">and Life Coaching</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I have neglected my Life Coaching Blog this month. It has been an extremely fun, busy, crazy month and I just couldn't get the time to write. When I did have time I was too tired to think so I decided it was ok to take a break but it is time to get back into the swing of things and start blogging again!<br />
<br />
As I was gone this month one thing I realized is how many out of the country and out of state visitors I have. I have a program that shows me when and where from people are checking my blog and while I was not even writing I have had 620 page views. I don't get alot of followers or comments but I found this stat to be eyeopening.<br />
<br />
So I'm saying all this to let anyone from out of state, city or country to know that I do Life Coaching/Biblical Counseling via Skype. Your can check out my links to see the areas that I specialize in.<br />
<br />
The way it works is you email me. I will send you the forms needed to get started. We will set up on appt that will be conducted on Skype and you will pay by Paypal before we meet. Our first meeting will be a consultation which will include alot of questions so I can get an idea of how I can help you. After that I will give you some thoughts as to what I feel I can do for you. Then you will decide if it's a good fit and if so we will schedule our next appointment.<br />
<br />
The price per session if it is a Skype appt is 42.50.<br />
<br />
The 2.50 is what PayPal charges for their services. I can keep the price lower on Skype because I don't have the expense of gas and time to go to the office. <br />
<br />
This is the link to the counseling centers I contract with and that I work under. Our meetings will be under the guidelines one of these two counseling centers. <a href="http://www.pathseekercenter.org/">www.pathseekercenter.org</a> or <a href="http://faithandhopecarecenter.org/">faithandhopecarecenter.org</a> .<br />
<br />
I am also including my email in case anyone would like more individual information: <a href="mailto:katcu7@mac.com">katcu7@mac.com</a><br />
<br />
Next post I'm going to start a series on<b> Co-dependency</b> - what I consider one of the biggest problems among Christians and I don't believe that was ever God's plan for us.<br />
<br />
<i>"For am I now seeking the favor of men or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 </i>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-1968922336223187312011-06-27T12:28:00.000-07:002011-06-27T12:31:01.546-07:00Change Your Life with Your Thoughts<span id="ctl00_ctl00_cpMainContent_ContentMasterBodyContentCPH_devotionalTitle"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<h1>
<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">OK, I'm stealing another article from someone else....but this is too good not to post. I said in my last post that is we could just get our thinking about ourselves in the right place it would change our life, this post from Joyce Meyer is along the same lines. It's understanding the huge connection between what we think and say - and what our life looks like. </span></h1>
<h1>
<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><b>Change is hard</b> but this kind of change is so worth it because it is the difference between being happy in whatever situation or circumstances you are in or being unhappy and constantly looking for someone or something to make you happy and fulfilled, which is so sad because that "something or someone" will never be found - happiness comes from within ourselves and it is our choice with God's help to make that happen. </span></h1>
</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span class="devotionAuthorDate" id="ctl00_ctl00_cpMainContent_ContentMasterBodyContentCPH_devotionalAuthorDate">by Joyce Meyer</span></b></span>
<br />
<div id="ctl00_ctl00_cpMainContent_ContentMasterBodyContentCPH_devotionalExcerpt" style="margin-top: 15px;">
The
longer I live the more I realize how strong a connection exists between
our thoughts and our words. I honestly believe that this connection is
one of the most important things we can learn in our lives.<br />
So many people's problems are rooted in their way of thinking, which
can actually produce a lot of the problems they experience.<br />
<br />
How does that happen?<br />
Well, a negative mind produces negative words and, consequently, a
negative life. Our words can actually become traps that cause us to
continue our cycle of negative thoughts and actions.<br />
Yes, we're all tempted to speak negatively, but we don't have to give in to that temptation.<br />
To turn our words around, we need to start thinking about what we're thinking about, and then make some real changes.<br />
Let me show you how.<br />
<h3>
The Trap of Negative Thinking</h3>
Because I allowed many years of negative thinking and speaking in my
life, I became an extremely negative, sour person. My philosophy became
"if you don't expect anything good to happen, then you won't be
disappointed when it doesn't."<br />
Have you ever felt that way?<br />
Because I had encountered so many disappointments, I was afraid to
believe that anything good could happen to me. I had developed a
terribly negative outlook on everything.<br />
If I had continued to believe those lies about never getting over my past, I <i>never</i> would've gotten over my past.<br />
<h3>
New Thoughts, New Possibilities</h3>
With God's help I am continually reminded that <a class="externalLink" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%205:17%20&version=CEV" target="_blank">my past doesn't have to control my future</a>. I don't need God's help in my life to give up; I need His help to keep going!<br />
I now know how important it is for me to understand the fact that my
life would not have gotten straightened out until my mouth did…<br />
And since the two are linked, my mouth wasn't going to get straightened out until my mind did.<br />
Changing your words and thoughts is definitely not an easy thing to do, but <a class="externalLink" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%2010:27&version=AMP" target="_blank">with God's help all things are possible</a>.<br />
<h3>
Be Patient with Yourself</h3>
We have to choose to think and speak positively. It doesn't come
naturally—and it doesn't happen overnight. In fact, it takes a lot of
practice.<br />
There will be days when you have setbacks, but just get back up, dust yourself off, and start again.<br />
When a baby is learning to walk, he falls many, many times before he
gains the confidence to walk. Failing from time to time—which you will
do—doesn't mean you're a failure. It simply means that you don't do
everything right all the time.<br />
Well, neither does anyone else.<br />
If you've been consumed with negative thinking and speaking, the
pathway to your freedom begins when you face the problem without making
excuses for it.<br />
Be patient with yourself. As you change your thinking, your words will change and so will your life!<br />
<hr />
This article is taken from Joyce's audio teaching, <a href="http://www.joycemeyer.org/ProductDetail.aspx?id=004622"><i>Change</i></a>.</div>
CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-76768640588527765502011-06-19T05:24:00.000-07:002011-06-19T05:24:13.936-07:00Self-Compassion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I received an email from the director of one of the Counseling Centers that I work for and thought it was worthy blog material. As I see many different people each week in my counseling practice - I see so much of what we as people struggle with is how we view ourselves and the messages we give ourselves. So I hope that if you have been beating yourself up for any reason or if that is just how you do life, I hope this article will give you a different perspective on God see you and how He wants you to see yourself. These negative messages we allow in our head are called "ungodly beliefs" and they are lies according the Word of God. Take those "lies" and replace them with "Truth" - God's Truth. <br />
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The Discipline of Self-Compassion<br />by Mike Adams, PhD<br /><br />What is "self-compassion"? When I first heard the term, I thought it was some disguised term for selfishness. But selfishness is when we meet our own needs at the expense of another's needs. Self-compassion deals is extending compassion or grace to ourselves in areas that we are hurting, deficient, or suffering. It deals with matters of the heart rather than whether I treat myself to that extra helping of ice cream or hit the snooze button two or three more times than I should each morning. Just like compassion towards others, self-compassion is the giving of warmth, care, patience, and encouragement to our own mind. Self-compassion is not about meeting our needs; it deals with the voices inside us. By "voices" I mean the thoughts that run through our heads, the things we say to ourselves, and that thought process that seems to provide constant commentary on our lives. In the Bible, the apostle Paul prays that the churches in Ephesus would grasp how wide, and long and high and deep the love of Christ is in their inner being (see Ephesians 3:14-19). Self-compassion is allowing Christ's sacrificial grace, forgiveness, and ...well...compassion to permeate how we speak to ourselves.<br /><br />Self-compassion is speaking to ourselves the way Jesus might speak to us. Being compassionate to yourself does not encourage a selfish or self-focused way of being. In practice, self-compassion frees us up to not be as obsessed about our needs. Self-criticism seems to have more of an opposite effect in causing us to become more needy and demanding of the environment. You see, inside of each person is an internal conflict, a war if you will, between a self-critical, debasing, devaluing voice and a compassionate, gracious, positive voice. Self-compassion is learning how to give the encouraging voice more air time. This voice doesn't excuse the areas of our lives that we need to grow but instead encourages us towards greater connection to God and greater connection to becoming more like Christ. So, what types of things do you say to yourself? Are they negative, discouraging statements?<br /><br /><br />Here are several questions to ask yourself:<br /><br />1. Do you find it difficult to accept that God has forgiven you for your shortcomings or past mistakes?<br />2. Do you block yourself from being as compassionate towards yourself as you are towards others?<br />3. Do you tend to be your "own worst critic"?<br /><br />If the answer is yes to these questions, then you may struggle considerably with self-compassion. When self-compassion suffers, we become bitter towards others and even judgmental at times, especially of those who are close to us. We can only give the amount of grace that we have allowed ourselves to receive (see Luke 7:47). If this is the case, work on bringing those critical thought patterns "captive" and create a series of more compassionate statements to replace them. Can you imagine what life would be like without a frequent internal critic sitting on your shoulder?CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-13236666320811028422011-06-04T06:54:00.000-07:002011-06-04T06:54:56.539-07:00Rating the Way You Were Raised<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvTh-w50hwU8_BfaU6VPVbV9PEgEh00X_hI8Uep3CHcFbdajII6x-pALlxKEvxc9Fs4vww8aBD8fJZJOIZV6WqjU1m0Y_4kGmz1jG-0o-n_BzToA6I1ejs_of_n0Y3l_RZeWjp8XXOY6w/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvTh-w50hwU8_BfaU6VPVbV9PEgEh00X_hI8Uep3CHcFbdajII6x-pALlxKEvxc9Fs4vww8aBD8fJZJOIZV6WqjU1m0Y_4kGmz1jG-0o-n_BzToA6I1ejs_of_n0Y3l_RZeWjp8XXOY6w/s320/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>I always feel like I need to put a disclaimer on these types of posts. I always want to stress that looking at family background is not to blame or stir up anger toward our parents or caregivers. If we have lived for any amount of time and especially if we have our own children we are very aware that most parents do the best they know how for their children and most of the "dysfunctional" traits that they exhibit come from their background. So we look at these types of things in light of information and education not blame or criticism. As I looked at this list I know I scored pretty badly as a parent - the goal is that each generation continues to get healthier than the last and works on those areas that are known to be unhealthy.<br />
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As discussed, unhealthy relational patterns tend to be passed down from generation to generation unless someone makes a conscious effort to change the course.<br />
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The ten questions in the inventory will help you judge where you've been so you can better judge where you are and where you should be in terms of relational health.<br />
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On a scale of 0-10 use the following statements to rate the way you were raised (0=not at all; 10=all the time)<br />
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My parents were:<br />
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_______1. Like dictators, wanted obedience<br />
_______2. Rigid, forceful with strict rules, values, beliefs and expectations (shamed if we were different)<br />
_______3. Critical, judgmental with harsh punishment.<br />
_______4. Closed to talking about certain subjects; sex, religion, politics, feelings.<br />
_______5. Poor listeners about my thinking and feelings<br />
_______6. Like a machine with many demands (you should and you should not)<br />
_______7. Degrading with names such as "stupid" "lazy" "no good"<br />
_______8. Cold and indifferent toward me<br />
_______9. Resistant to changes and learning new things (It was not easy to disagree with them and stay "safe")<br />
______10. Distant (not close, not invited to do things with them regularly)<br />
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_______Total score. Add up the numbers of your ten responses.<br />
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The higher your score (the closer to 100) the higher the potential for your having been raised in an emotionally unhealthy home,. <br />
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Questions for further thought: <br />
How much "old baggage" do you still carry? Does any of this "baggage" affect your current relationship to your spouse or children?<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Some of the content of this blog post was taken from the book, "Making Love Last Forever" by Gary Smalley </i></span>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-91235542464107815992011-05-26T04:59:00.000-07:002011-05-26T05:03:21.567-07:00Healthy Relationship Sign #5<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjR4HIbNZkuPz72zg5NitfMyZUPDCrIYAfXvbjWgTo57sybzD1EyHOnG84wiEGeFxzTYdg97xjPrlFUMInNLJwveLYMZoh2d8TmVExace2q2EP-Ksd5Ewt85w2FnSBtFoZDQP-OMVBEiI/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjR4HIbNZkuPz72zg5NitfMyZUPDCrIYAfXvbjWgTo57sybzD1EyHOnG84wiEGeFxzTYdg97xjPrlFUMInNLJwveLYMZoh2d8TmVExace2q2EP-Ksd5Ewt85w2FnSBtFoZDQP-OMVBEiI/s1600/images.jpeg" border="0" /></a></div>Our last Healthy Relationship Sign is, "The Personal Boundaries of ALL are Respected."<br /><br />Honoring and protecting others "boundaries' is essential to the health both of the relationship and the individual. Think of your loved ones boundaries or personal property line as a fragile bird egg. If you care for it and nurture it you will see a beautiful healthy bird. But if you are careless and crack it the growing bird inside may die. Respecting the boundaries of your spouse means you honor that person.<br /><br />We have talked about this in previous posts but I think it bears repeating. It is the one aspect of relationships that can make a huge difference in how healthy and enjoyable our lives together can be.<br /><br />Another word for respecting boundaries and property lines of another is "honor" If we honor someone, that person carries weight with us. That person is valuable to us. When we honor someone we give that persona highly respected position in our lives. Honor equals love and provides the ability to stay in love.<br /><br />What is the relationship between honor and love? When we honor someone we increase their value and then we feel the desire to love and do worthwhile things for that person. The bible say's, "Whatever you treasure, that is where your heart is." When we highly value something or someone we enjoy taking care so we don't lose it or harm it. We enjoy "being with it or them." The "feeling" of love is a reflection of our level of honor we have for them.<br /><br />So how do you retrieve lost feelings of love? By choosing to increase the value that person has in your mind. Honor and love for your spouse grow best out of a healthy respect for yourself. When we have healthy respect for ourselves we are more apt to honor and respect others.<br /><br />So healthy relationships are relationships that give others the freedom to think, to talk, to feel and connect with us. They show honor by respecting each person's uniqueness.<br /><br />We all fail in these areas and the key is to develop healthy habits. No matter what your family background is or how unhealthy it was you can learn to be healthy - we can check our marriage vital signs regularly and move from unhealthy to healthy.<br /><br />Next Post: An inventory that will show you if your were taught unhealthy relational skills. As parents we for the most part do that best we know how to do but when unhealthy behavior comes to light it is up to us as an individual to make the choice to change.<br /><br />Question to Ponder: What do you honor and treasure most about your spouse?<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"Making Love Last Forever" by Gary Smalley was used as a guide for these posts</span></span>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-25265188782617658792011-05-17T07:38:00.000-07:002011-05-17T07:38:05.347-07:00Healthy Relationship Sign #4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz0MpsOZiUQmCDQsyBFzFone7Ano3TmbfHNGgi4W8flbziRL53W9vPG87eHP1qY9cBcFFb48j61cI5RGhkLlmn0UpmuhQ74E_QE0TkjyHeNlyBjTLui-NPbDsSmH9y7nJxz-zTIf_3zNA/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz0MpsOZiUQmCDQsyBFzFone7Ano3TmbfHNGgi4W8flbziRL53W9vPG87eHP1qY9cBcFFb48j61cI5RGhkLlmn0UpmuhQ74E_QE0TkjyHeNlyBjTLui-NPbDsSmH9y7nJxz-zTIf_3zNA/s320/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><b>Sign #4 Everyone in the relationship feels meaningfully connected.</b><br />
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Your connected when you regularly share your deepest feelings with one another, when you are happy to see each other at the end of the day, enjoy doing things together and being together.<br />
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The opposite of this is in a situation where a spouse is either neglectful (a workaholic or controlling) Neglect or control creates distance not connection.<br />
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We must have connection in our lives - it is a basic human need. If we don't get the connection we need with the people closest to us in life we will most likely find a way to get that need met. Many times this can be through destructive behavior, such as an unhealthy addictions, this can include over eating, over working, and anger. This is a way to medicate the hollow feeling we have inside. <br />
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Unresolved anger disconnects people. It makes a person withdraw, not draw close. If your spouse has anger toward their parents they will have a harder time connecting with you. Hidden anger sabotages a lot of relationships, and that's one of the reasons it's so important that we deal with our anger the right way, through forgiveness. <br />
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A few ways to create connectedness in your relationships<br />
<ul><li> Look within yourself - do you have an unresolved anger (toward anyone) that needs to be dealt with - if so go <a href="http://kathysthots.blogspot.com/search?q=unforgiveness"><span style="color: red;">here</span> </a>and work through the process </li>
<li>Look at how you treat your spouse - are you neglectful or controlling? </li>
<li>Does your marriage have these<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="http://kathysthots.blogspot.com/search?q=four+destructive+patterns" style="color: red;">four destructive behaviors</a> in it - if so work on the part that you create. </li>
<li>Show <a href="http://kathysthots.blogspot.com/2011/04/honor-in-marriage.html" style="color: red;">honor and respect</a> for your spouse, even when you don't agree with them. Create a safe environment in your marriage.</li>
<li>Create shared experiences - take time to do fun, adventurous or helpful things together </li>
</ul>Connection is healthy, lack of connection or distance is unhealthy.<br />
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How connected do you feel to your spouse, your children and other members of your family? Or how much distance are you putting between yourself and those you love?<br />
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No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.</i> <i>Ephesians 5:33 (The Message)</i>CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7404620182301758750.post-57588697422511663422011-05-10T04:45:00.000-07:002011-05-10T04:48:16.186-07:00Healthy Relationship - Sign #3<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3CkFB1QQdPqo7r_uX3VvqxruPGFaonelfD4-D4jNFwmCXwjhedkWmUzNtivk_jhPo4oNmhVr4ytBHNBTZ0LyKoAQU3HTPhQ4TxpycSkVLbgbAktBRn_NLXn2HR-owJu4pBOfVnTKP2sU/s1600/smileyFeelings.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 274px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3CkFB1QQdPqo7r_uX3VvqxruPGFaonelfD4-D4jNFwmCXwjhedkWmUzNtivk_jhPo4oNmhVr4ytBHNBTZ0LyKoAQU3HTPhQ4TxpycSkVLbgbAktBRn_NLXn2HR-owJu4pBOfVnTKP2sU/s400/smileyFeelings.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605052872821455026" border="0" /></a>In a healthy relationship you not only know your thinking and words will be valued and respected, but you also have the freedom to share your feelings.<br /><br />An example of this is if someone shares their feelings and the other person states, " I can't believe your saying that! You are always so sensitive!" or one person says, "I'm worried about how this is going to work out" and the other person says, "Come on lighten up! You're making such a big deal about this!"<br /><br />This is belittling the persons true feelings. As I'm sure I have stated in this post before we have to realize that feelings are real - they may be wrong but they still are real to the person experiencing the feelings. It doesn't mean we don't deal with our feelings but if a spouse is going to create a safe place in the relationship they have to validate that those feelings are real.<br /><br />So how do we do this? We listen to the feelings of the person without making them feel like their feelings are not valid. We listen to the feelings of another without criticizing or belittling.<br /><br />Most of the time we do these thing with out thinking. In a marriage it many times becomes a habit.<br />So today be aware of what you are saying to those closest to you. If they express they are feeling a certain way do you affirm those feelings or do you discredit those feelings?<br /><br />This freedom to share feelings is one the clearest indicators of the health of a relationship.CoachKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15982427179808293539noreply@blogger.com1