30 Days of Character Development - Self-Control

As was probably noticed if you read this blog, I took the weekend off and have decided that is OK!:)
I can get a little OCD about my 30 day blogs but in light of good character development I felt I need to give myself a little break. Weekends are always very busy so I decided to keep my blog posts for weekdays.

I am so proud of my sweet niece, Beverly, for embracing these character development blogs. If you haven't seen her blog, check it out at http://nprfloridagirl.blogspot.com.

So we are continuing to look at "Self-Control"

We tend to loose our "Self-Control" when we are stressed so today we will look at how to reduce stress in your life so that self-control will be easier to obtain.

Stress is basically TOO MUCH - too many things to do, to many people to help, to many problems to solve and not keeping boundaries in your life. The American Psychological Association conducted a stress survey and gave us the top five stressors in life:

1. Sick family member
2. Monday
3. Your own health
4. Children
   
5. Work

So how do we reduce stress in our lives -

1. Take an inventory of your life every 6 month and ask yourself: What needs to be eliminated? Are there areas of your life that you have over committed to. What is sapping your energy and can it be changed? It takes self-control to not over commit.
2. Are you setting good boundaries or do you feel responsible for everything and everybody in your life? Another name for this is "control." Do you need to let some things go that you are trying to control? or possibly delegate them to someone else? It takes self-control to not be over controlling
3. Do you need to rest? Are you putting aside some time to rest, reflect, sleep and exercise or in general take care of yourself? It takes self-control to slow down.
   
4. Take some time for self-examination. What areas do you need to work on ( some anger issues, anxiety issues, just speaking before thinking?) Take a look at yourself and if there are areas to work on start now and if you are really serious get an accountability partner to help you. It takes self-control to develop discipline in our lives. It takes self-control to admit we have areas in our lives that need to be worked on.
5. Take a look at your spiritual disciplines. Are you developing good spiritual habits in your life? Do you have a regular time of study, prayer and worship? It takes self-control to have create spiritual disciplines in your life

Most people are so busy knocking themselves our trying to do everything they think they should do, they never get around to what they want to do. Anonymous

1 Peter 4:1-2
Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.

30 Days of Character Development - Self-Control

Moving on to our next Character Trait I was torn between "self-control" and "patience" but chose to go with self-control next. The reason went with self-control first is that is what you have to have first to develop patience.

Knowing God leads to Self-Control. Self-Control leads to patient endurance and patient endurance leads to godliness. 2 Peter 1:6

Lack of Self-Control comes in many forms. You may have it in one area of your life but not in another. Many of us when thinking of someone without self-control would immediately think of a person that can not control their emotions such as anger, saying something hurtful before you think or displaying out of control emotions. But sometimes we don't think of overspending, overeating, not exercising, chronic lateness (ouch!), saying no to commitments you shouldn't commit to, spending too much time on the phone, computer or even gossiping as a lack of self - control but they are.

There are so many things that we can't control in life, such as other peoples behavior, life circumstances, the economy, job situations, and the world around us but we can control. A Self-Controlled person is able to let go of those uncontrollable and unchangeable things in their life and focus on what is controllable and what is changeable, which is US....and our own attitudes.

A Self-Controlled person takes ownership for what they can control with God's strength.
Here are some ways that healthy God control helps you set the right boundaries in your life:

• I can't change others, but I can change myself
• I can't control certain situations, but I can control my attitude.
• I can't look to others to keep my controls in place, I have to desire to control myself.
• I can depend on others to "fix me" ; I am responsible for my own growth.
  
• Just because it's fun doesn't mean its right
• Just because you want it doesn't mean you should get it'
• It's healthy to be in control, It's not healthy to be controlling
• It is healthy to change and improve yourself. It is not healthy to dominate, manipulate or micromanage others.
  

Each day I am going to list possible areas that may indicate a lack of self - control. Today we will focus on our:
Personal Life: Take note of all that apply:
Negative Self Talk, Overspending, Perfectionism, Unbalanced Diet, Overindulgence in any personal area of life.
Relationship with others:
Compromise of values to be accepted, people pleaser, Need to fix, change, or improve others, Need to dominate, manipulate or micromanage others, Over dependence on others.
Verbal/Emotional:
Anger that hurts others, criticism, Gossip, Judgmental spirit, Lying, negativity, Uncontrolled words, Unreasonable fears, Withholding praise.

Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control
Proverbs 25:28

30 Days of Character Development -Contentment

Yesterday I shared my experience of discontentment and today today I want to focus on how to learn the secret of contentment in your life.

First you have to realize that discontentment is part of who we are as humans. As I said in my last post, Eve had everything but still wanted the one thing she could not have. She did not have cultural influences or even friends who had more but she did have the same enemy that we have. And that enemy is always whispering into our thoughts that we are missing out on something or something is being withheld from us that we deserve. Those whispers turn into thoughts that turn into feelings of discontentment

In Philippians 4:12 Paul says:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

Notice two things about this scripture;
1. Paul had to LEARN to be content
2 Contentment is a secret

First, we see that scripture tells us that contentment is a Learned Behavior it does not come naturally for any of us and second we are told that the key to contentment is a secret that we must discover for ourselves.

Paul was actually in prison handcuffed to a prison guard during the time he wrote this.

My personal journey to the secret of contentment started with:

First, I "learned" to put my confidence in Jesus Christ to strengthen me to endure every situation I encounter in life. This was something I had to learn and it came through trials and difficulties I experienced. When you go through a very difficult time in life and you come to the other side of it seeing that God's strength and hand was on you the whole way, you come out of it with a whole new perspective. You don't take things for granted like you used to, you feel content with the simple things in life because you realize how quickly even those can be gone. Bottom line, it comes down to a change in your thought process and perspective in life and mostly WHO are you trusting with your circumstances, You or God.

Second, I "learned" that I'm responsible for my personal joy, and that my joy has to be in Him—not in people or in circumstances. We can not look for our husbands, our friends, our family, our house, our kids, or our jobs to bring us contentment and joy (these two are partners). Contentment and Joy are leaned behaviors, they are choices we make. Bottom line, it comes down to letting go of expectations that something other than God and you will bring contentment into your life .

Third, I "learned" that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have learned to be content in the moment not waiting for the "It will be better when.." I would be happy if...."
"When this situation is better then I will be content", "If I had the life that.....has." Bottom line, it comes down to stop waiting for a particular status or thing or person or achievement before you "learn" contentment. You can have it right now!

Fourth, I "learned" to be thankful in the present, today, this hour, this minute. Bottom line, be thankful for what we have (Eph 5:20) for our circumstances (1 Thess. 5:16-18) and all we have to do during our day. (Col. 3:17)

Fifth, I "learned" to get involved in helping others. God has given us varied gifts in this area and the way I help may be entirely different than you but with whatever talent or gift God has given you. But whatever that gift is use it to help those God brings into our lives. Bottom line, DO GOOD.

Some Questions to consider as you are Learning to be Content:
1. What is the underlying need you have that causes you to compare? (need for approval, affirmation, credit or respect)
2. What is the underlying issue you have that causes you to be insecure? (low-self esteem, need for acceptance)
3. What is the underlying reason you have to want what others have? (fear, ungrateful, anger, life's not fair)

30 Day of Character Development - Contentment

We have talked about Contentment before but it is a must when developing Character.

Have you ever been totally content with something in your life....until you saw what someone else had and suddenly that little feeling of discontentment began to spring up. I can come on us so quickly and catch us unaware. I do think that some of us are more prone to discontentment than others....and I am one of those who are. :) But, I am getting much better and that is always the goal. I like to think my character is growing but maybe it's just getting older but I definitely do not struggle with this issue as much as I used to. Not to say it can not creep up on me occasionally when I least expect it.

I have always had a tendency to have friends that have nicer homes than I have. They are the best people and friends in the world and never acted as though there was any difference in their lifestyle than mine. The problem was not them, it was me. I believe God has used these wonderful people in my life to teach me some much needed "contentment" lessons. You have to understand, their homes are in the best of communities, big with beautiful pools in their backyards. I have a wonderful house but compared (notice I said "compare") to their homes mine looked little and unkept. For more times than I want to admit I would not invite them to my house because I felt embarrassed that my house was not as nice as theirs. Please understand these dear friends NEVER made me feel this way.....I just did, based on my own lack of confidence, pride and discontentment. I at times made my poor hubby miserable with all my complaining and discontentment.

Well, obviously I was not content and I was not happy at that time in my life. I had bought into the lie that I must HAVE things to be content. Those THINGS are different for everyone for me it was the perfect house for others it may be the perfect body or clothes or even perfect children and if you don't have that you are in a constant state of discontentment.

I guess I was in good company (or maybe not so good) as Eve was discontent and that didn't work well for her, and King Solomon, who had everything was discontent and we know how things ended for him and even some angels were not content and that was REALLY bad for them.

Tomorrow I will share how I found contentment in my life and I really have - very seldom do I ever feel that twinge of discontentment hit me anymore and when I do I recognize it very quickly.

I will end with the real evidence of how I knew I had conquered the house discontentment thing.
My friends and I were going to get together one week and when we were discussing where to meet I blurted out, " Why don't you come to my house" We all agreed and I was so excited that they were coming, and even more excited that I was not at all worried about it. I had the grand babies over the day before and had a blow up pool on the porch, it was still there when they arrived - I took them over to the window by the porch and asked them if they had brought their swim suits to lay by the pool while we talked. We all laughed and I was absolutely so blessed to have the opportunity to have host our little time together at my house.

I'll leave with these thoughts today

Contentment is a state of satisfaction that is INDEPENDENT of circumstances.

An English Minister named Henry Read (1662-1714) said this prayer of thanksgiving after he was robbed of his wallet:

I thank thee first because I was never robbed before;
second, because although they took my wallet they did not take my life
third, because it although they took my all, it was not much
and fourth because it was I who was robbed, and not I who robbed.

30 Days of Character Development - Humility

Well, I couldn't keep up with the 30 day thing this time. As I stated in last post, I was at a conference in Jacksonville Saturday and just couldn't keep up. On Sunday hubby and I just stopped by St. Augustine on our way home and enjoyed some down time. We needed it!! :)

So today I want to complete the Humility part of our character development.

Humility is an essential ingredient of the Christian life.

• It takes humility to truly worship God. Worship is the ultimate act of declaring that God is God and we are not.
  
• A humble person has a healthy self-esteem.
  
• It takes humility to be truly honest. Pride tells lies, exaggerates, hides, pretends, and misrepresents, with the purpose of covering up our failures. Humility tells the truth even when it reveal something about us we would rather not have known
• It takes humility to obey. Obedience requires giving up my way.
• It takes humility to be teachable. Humble people are lifelong learners who do not disregard the input of others, even in areas they feel knowledgeable.
• It takes humility to serve. Serving requires us to set aside our prestige, position, and rights in order to serve others.
  
• It takes humility to wait. Waiting means allowing God to direct us instead of pushing our agenda.
• A humble person is a broken person. A person who exudes humility is usually someone who has had an experience that has broken their pride. Failure and loss has a way of stripping away pride. At the point we feel most useless, that's when God can use us most.

I can really relate to that last one. I have some situations in my life that have brought me to that place of brokenness. I have not arrived at that place of complete humility that I would like to be at but I am much closer than I would have been if it wasn't for the feelings of failure and loss that I have experienced. When we go through those difficult times in life it is always a choice of how we will allow it to affect us. We can either allow it to cripple us, become bitter, become even more prideful to cover us our failure or we can embrace humility and allow God to use it and us for His Glory and really that is just where He wants us.

Tomorrow we will start on our next Character Building trait: Contentment
(this one may hurt)

Blessed!

I'm just going to write a quick post because I am exhausted....but it is a good exhausted. As I shared in yesterdays blog I was blessed to be able to be one of the speakers at a Woman's Conference in Jacksonville. It was for my dear friend Charlyn. Charlyn and her husband are pastors of Clay Community Church.

I am just beyond blessed by the women of this church. They are some of the most genuine, precious ladies I have ever met and I was so honored to be part of this conference. It was a wonderful day, God was so present in all that was done and I know lives have been changed today. I was also so blessed to be with my sweet friends - Cathy and Kathy. We all met as a result of Life Coaching and have been encouraging and praying for each other ever since.

My Topic was "Lesson's I Learned in the Storm" and I was once again reminded of how God never wastes a hurt and always turns what Satan meant for evil into good.

Well, just thought I would give an update but mostly give a big word of appreciation to Charlyn and the women of Clay Community Church. Thank you ladies for all the love!

Romans 5:5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us

Jacksonville

I will not be posting my humility blog today as I heading to Jacksonville to speak at a womans conference at my dear friend Charlyns church.

I will do my next post on Sunday.

My topic is "Lessons Learned in the Storm". Please keep this in your prayers, that the ladies
at the conference wll be given Hope and Encouragent for whatever storms are hitting their lives.

Love,
Kathy