Happy New Year!!

Well, I have a couple hours to say Happy New Year.  It's 10pm an we got back a few hours ago from a great New Years Party at my niece Bev's house.  Lot's of great food, wonderful people and good conversation.  A great way to start the year.

I was going to write about setting New Years goals or resolutions but was reading a great article in the Parade section of the paper and thought I would share an idea for the New Year. 

It was from a book called, "The Simple Act of Gratitude"  What this author wrote about was his experience of making a New Years Goal of handwriting a note of thanks at least one time a day for the year.  That would be 365 handwritten notes of thanks. 

Here are the steps it takes to get started:
1. Try to not use email or any other means of technology.  Handwritten notes feels special. You can get plain note cards at the dollar store or get some with your initial on it. 

2.  Be specific.  You could start by sending notes to those who gave you presents for Christmas. "Dear...., Thank you for the (Starbucks gift card) it is one of my favorite places for coffee. 

3. Next start writing to close friends and family about how much you appreciate them, again being specific.  Then write to people who have helped you in critical moments in life, or to a server at a restaurant or coffee shop that you go to frequently.  You can send them or hand them to the people your thanking (at a shop or store)

4.  Keep it simple.  Just three or four sentences.

I'm going to start this tomorrow, my goal will be to write a note everyday but I will be flexible and at least try to at least send or give a note to someone at least 3 times a week.  I will keep you posted!

Merry Christmas!

As I have a few moments this Christmas Eve I wanted to wish all my 1 or 2 readers :) a very Merry Christmas.  As I reflect on the events of this past month I am filled with gratitude for all the many blessings in my life.  We have had many special and fun family and friend events already and I am ever mindful that each day is a gift and every relationship is blessing in my life.

I haven't been totally successful all month to keep my focus on the important things in life and what this season is truly all about but I am doing better than in some years past. 

I just want to take this post to encourage anyone reading to wake up tomorrow with a heart full of thanksgiving for all God has done or is doing in your life.  Before the craziness of the day begin take a few moments to reflect on what Christmas is really about -  Jesus coming to earth as a baby to live a human life so He could understand all that we feel and go through and then eventually die on the cross for our sins. 

Here is the scripture that you can reflect on and read to begin your Christmas day.

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

 1-5About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his wife, who was pregnant.
 6-7While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.
 8-12There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger."
 13-14At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises:

   Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
   Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.

 15-18As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.

 19-20Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!


Have a Blessed Christmas!!
Kathy

The TRUTH

Since it has been a couple weeks since my last post - we have had a lot of time to think about those lies! :)  Once we reveal the lies we have come to accept and believe about our self,others or God we need to correct them.

Basically, if you are saying and believing these lies - they are affecting your daily life.  They become part of who you are and that is not who God says you are.  I personally want to be in agreement with who God says I am so how do we do that?

The best way I have found is to write the lies in one column.  (you need 3 columns) in the second column you write what the truth is according to God's Word and the last column you write the scriptures that back up that truth.  It will look something like the table below.

 Once you have completed your "Truths"  you will say them to yourself everyday until they are solidly in your heart!!  When I lie comes into your mind you will immediately reverse it to a truth.

Do this and I will guarantee you will see change in your life.  As you notice lies coming into your mind write them down and write a truth.  Until we are aware of what we are thinking or saying we really don't realize how many lies we feed ourselves everyday.

Every week pick a scripture that is the one you struggle with the most and apply it every day to your life. 

Lies	Truth (based on God's Word)	Scripture
I’ve missed God’s best for me	My best is YET TO COME	1 Corinthians 2:9
I can never be/do good enough	I AM GOOD enough through Christ	Philippians 3:12–14
I will always be passive	I am MORE than a CONQUEROR	Romans 8:37
I will always be stuck and never move forward	have a HOPE and a FUTURE	Jeremiah 29:11
I am not accepted for who I am	I am “ACCEPTED” through  Christ Jesus	Romans 8:38 - 39,
My value is based of other peoples perceptions	I am the RIGHTEOUSNESS of God in Christ Jesus

Where Do the Lies Come From

The last post we talked about the fact that as we are stopped by being successful, happy and content in life because of the "lies that we believe" about ourselves and God.  Today I want to look at where these lies come from.

The most obvious place these lies come from are from life experiences. This is what it looks like:

We have an experience in childhood mostly - in our family, in school, in the neighborhood and that experience early in our life creates a belief.  A belief about ourselves, sometimes others and sometimes God.

If that experience was a bad or negative experience then the belief will be bad or negative or in other words "a lie"  How do we know that a belief that you have about yourself or God is a lie?   If it doesn't line up with what God says in His Word it is a lie.

So then we go along in life believing this "lie" and then we begin to "expect" our belief to be fulfilled so we behave according to the lie we believe - then the end result is another experience that reinforces the "lie" that we believe.

Let me give you an example:

You have an experience of being abandoned early in life - your mom or dad leave - because of divorce or they just never were there or maybe even they emotionally aren't there - so your belief system starts to tell you "people I love will always leave me"  then you become a teenager and meet your first love and as usually happens it doesn't work - and they leave - the belief is now reinforced - now the "lie" that " everyone I love will always leave me" or "I will always be alone"  or "no one accepts me for who I am" and you now "expect" people to hurt you and leave you.......

So then to protect yourself you begin to build walls around yourself emotionally - making sure that no one get close enough to hurt you.  Those walls could look like anger or indifference or lack of intimacy.  In other words you have now adopted a behavior that pushes people away or sabotage's relationships so you experience once again those closest to you leaving or being distant or disconnected but now it's not because of them but because of your behavior.

So now your false belief is reinforced over and over until it is so entrenched inside your spirit and soul that it is part of you.

The way to stop the Belief – Expectation cycle is to intervene between the Experience and the Belief stages of the cycle. We must choose God’s truth as our new belief. When we replace the old lie with God’s truth, then the other parts of the cycle will change.

Think of an example of a "Lie" that has operated in your life. 

What experience got this belief established? 

What expectations and behaviors come out of this belief? 

Are you ready to change this belief? 

Next post we will look at how to recognize the lies..... so we can change them

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  John 8:32

The Lies We Believe

In my few posts in the last couple months we have been talking about some of the things in our lives that will hinder us from becoming healthy, whole and free.  Free to be who God created us to be, to fulfill the purposes He has for us and live out the potential that is with in us.  We talked about codependency, destructive family patterns and discontentment. 

I had an opportunity to speak at a Ladies Retreat at Faith Outreach Center.  This is a very special church and group of ladies to me.  This is the church I grew up in spiritually and learned so much of what God has called me to do. 

As I prayed about what God would have me share with the ladies I truly felt it was the four areas I have found to keep us from moving forward in our lives.  These are areas that I work on often with my clients and when they really work on them and do the spiritual and practical work that needs to be done, there is change.

Two of the areas I have already talked about in this blog. 

1. Destructive Family Patterns  
2. Unforgiveness

The other two are:

     3. Any kind of sexual brokenness(past abuse, trauma or misuse)

And the one I'm going to talk about for the next couple posts:

    4. The LIES we believe

The lies we believe about ourselves and God.   Most of these lies come from other 3 above experiences:

Next post we will begin to look at the lies that we have embraced about ourselves based on our experiences, circumstances and our culture.

Being Content in Every Season of Life

There probably isn't anyone reading my blog anymore after a month of no posts but I am back and will try to be more consistent.  It has been a whirlwind of a month but it's all been good things so I can't complain....just couldn't keep up with a blog on top of everything else.

During the last month that I went missing.....I was on vacation....North Carolina for 2 weeks.  We usually go with our daughter and her family but they couldn't go this year so it was more quiet then past times and they were all greatly missed but it was a great time to catch up with my reading and spending some quality time with God and of course some quality time with my hubby.  :) 

When I returned home a couple weeks ago,  I was playing catch up for the next two weeks.  Lots of client appointments, a small group that I was leading, and a Ladies Retreat that I was speaking at. 

The small group I lead is a group of sweet young moms and wives, we meet once a month and this month I spoke to them about contentment in their season of life.  They are in a difficult season with small children, lots of financial pressure, still working through the challenges of marriage but in reality every season has it's challenges and one of the greatest skills we can learn to enjoy every season is "Contentment."

Contentment is a learned skill: To be chosen, adopted, mastered and applied.  It doesn’t mean there aren’t disappointments in life, it doesn’t mean we are in denial, It just means that we can resolve to be content and it will change our view of everything in life.

Philippians 4:11-13 (NLT)

¹¹ Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. ¹² I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. ¹³ For I can do everything through Christ,^[a] who gives me strength

The Greek word for contentment in this verse means "inner sufficiency"  satisfaction found through the depth of ones own life with God independent of surroundings

A woman who is content is a woman who has chosen to be satisfied with what she has, who she is, and with where she lives.  Women of substance, satisfaction who has chosen contentment over displeasure.

How do you do this?  Easier said then done right?  Yes, like most things in this life contentment is a learned, practiced behavior - the more you choose to be content and enjoy where you are for the moment the more you will find it just becoming part of who you are.  In 2 Corinthians 9:8 (NLT) it says,

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.

When you can get the mindset that what you have on hand is enough that it is adequate and deemed by God as sufficient then you are ready to fully participate in the tasks set before you at this season of life.

So today: Ask yourself..."Am I embracing the season of life I am in? 

Exploring Your Family Map

Creating a family tree (genogram) will help you to get a better picture of your family patterns.  As you observe relational patterns in your family, try to see if there are any you need to work on.  Sometimes, it's hard to see ourselves as others do so if you are really serious about working on yourself - ask someone that you trust and won't get mad at if they tell you the truth.

Some patterns to watch for are closeness of family members, communication patterns, behavioral or emotional problems, job problems, addictions, anger and even occupations of family members.

You want to go back at least three generations.  What patterns of serious problems do you see?  How did your family handle stress, what did their marriages look like, how did parents relate to children, what were some of the health problems in your family line.  Was there alot of emotional disconnection in your family line.  Did family member feel like they belonged?

Again, this is not to become depressed or angry at your family if there are some destructive patterns.  This is an opportunity to look at the reality of what may have been passed down to you and what areas you may need to work on.  The more you work on you the better chance your children have of not struggling with these same patterns or at least to a lesser degree.  The goal is for each generation to continue to get healthier in every way.

So what do you do with all this information -
1.  Look at what family patterns are continuing through you -
2.  Admit this is an area you need to work on.
3.  Ask God to help you break this family pattern and replace it with something positive
4.  Get an accountability partner to work with you on this. Come up with a plan.

If you do all the above and still struggle to get past certain family patterns you may need some inner healing in that area of your life.   I recommend Anothenlife Ministries to anyone that needs in depth help in this area of their lives. 

The process of genuine change does not occur by magic.  Breaking a cycle of family patterns happens not by waving a wand or by reading a verse but with the combination of the Holy Spirit, The Word, other believers in our lives and our own determination and will. 

Trust in Him at all time, O people; Pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8