Your connected when you regularly share your deepest feelings with one another, when you are happy to see each other at the end of the day, enjoy doing things together and being together.
The opposite of this is in a situation where a spouse is either neglectful (a workaholic or controlling) Neglect or control creates distance not connection.
We must have connection in our lives - it is a basic human need. If we don't get the connection we need with the people closest to us in life we will most likely find a way to get that need met. Many times this can be through destructive behavior, such as an unhealthy addictions, this can include over eating, over working, and anger. This is a way to medicate the hollow feeling we have inside.
Unresolved anger disconnects people. It makes a person withdraw, not draw close. If your spouse has anger toward their parents they will have a harder time connecting with you. Hidden anger sabotages a lot of relationships, and that's one of the reasons it's so important that we deal with our anger the right way, through forgiveness.
A few ways to create connectedness in your relationships
- Look within yourself - do you have an unresolved anger (toward anyone) that needs to be dealt with - if so go here and work through the process
- Look at how you treat your spouse - are you neglectful or controlling?
- Does your marriage have these four destructive behaviors in it - if so work on the part that you create.
- Show honor and respect for your spouse, even when you don't agree with them. Create a safe environment in your marriage.
- Create shared experiences - take time to do fun, adventurous or helpful things together
How connected do you feel to your spouse, your children and other members of your family? Or how much distance are you putting between yourself and those you love?
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (The Message)