Rating the Way You Were Raised

I always feel like I need to put a disclaimer on these types of posts.  I always want to stress that looking at family background is not to blame or stir up anger toward our parents or caregivers.  If we have lived for any amount of time and especially if we have our own children we are very aware that most parents do the best they know how for their children and most of the "dysfunctional" traits that they exhibit come from their background.  So we look at these types of things in light of information and education not blame or criticism.  As I looked at this list I know I scored pretty badly as a parent - the goal is that each generation continues to get healthier than the last and works on those areas that are known to be unhealthy.

As discussed, unhealthy relational patterns tend to be passed down from generation to generation unless someone makes a conscious effort to change the course.

The ten questions in the inventory will help you judge where you've been so you can better judge where you are and where you should be in terms of relational health.

On a scale of 0-10 use the following statements to rate the way you were raised (0=not at all; 10=all the time)


My parents were:

_______1.  Like dictators, wanted obedience
_______2.  Rigid, forceful with strict rules, values, beliefs and expectations (shamed if we were different)
_______3.  Critical, judgmental with harsh punishment.
_______4.  Closed to talking about certain subjects; sex, religion, politics, feelings.
_______5.  Poor listeners about my thinking and feelings
_______6.  Like a machine with many demands (you should and you should not)
_______7.  Degrading with names such as "stupid" "lazy" "no good"
_______8.  Cold and indifferent toward me
_______9. Resistant to changes and learning new things (It was not easy to disagree with them and stay "safe")
______10. Distant (not close, not invited to do things with them regularly)

_______Total score.   Add up the numbers of your ten responses.

The higher your score (the closer to 100) the higher the potential for your having been raised in an emotionally unhealthy home,. 

Questions for further thought: 
How much "old baggage" do you still carry?  Does any of this "baggage" affect your current relationship to your spouse or children?

Some of the content of this blog post was taken from the book, "Making Love Last Forever" by Gary Smalley