Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friendships Among Women - Being a Trusted Friend
Tip number 4 probably should be tip number 1 because I do believe it is the most important one. Without this one the friendship will definitely suffer if it even lasts.
Tip number four for improving your friendships:
4. Being a Trustworthy Friend - So what does this mean? What is Trust in a relationship?
Well, of course there is the obvious of not telling a secret or confidence of a friend, but trust goes must deeper than that. Here are a few elements of trust that we may not always think about but are just as important as keeping in confidence the things our friends share with us.
a. Being a reliable person - Being a person that can be counted on. Whether it's keeping a commitment, being available as much as possible if a friend is in crisis or even just giving a friend a ride to pick up a car at the shop.
b. Showing respect - respect for another person is not repeating information that is private or embarrassing. Being the kind of person that a friend could share their deepest fears, worries, life experiences and not worry that it will come out later or be used against them. Confidences shared between friends are to be respected.
Another aspect of respect is not talking about a friend when they are not with you - gossiping about them or saying anything that you would not say if they were there. Be a kind of person that if a friend shares a hurt or a fear they never have to worry about what you will do with that information.
c. Be kind - as you get to know a person and that relationship turns into a friendship we need to be careful not to use the other persons insecurities as ammunition against them even if we become angry. A true friend protects, not harms.
d. Be honest - This is sometimes the hardest of all the points of trustworthiness. Being a friend that will speak the truth in love. Sometimes we see a friend making bad choices and we don't want to hurt the friendship so we don't speak up or we actually tell them they are right when we know they are not.
This of course has to be done in a very mature and appropriate manner but the people who truly care about us will correct us if we are getting off track because they know in the long run they are helping us.
e. Be will to extend trust - trust goes two ways - that means that if your friend is willing to vulnerable with you, share hurts, fears and insecurities, then you need to be open to them. There are always areas that we may feel we need to protect and that is ok but I am talking about the everyday life stuff. Not just looking like we have it all together and our friend is always in need. Just being transparent.
If we have been hurt alot in life it is hard sometimes to trust and trust does need to be earned. This is something that takes time but if you are a trustworthy friend you will be rewarded with trustworthy friendships and loads of respect.
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.