Where do those thoughts come from??

I was planning to launch into the facts and tools we need to begin the process of changing and controlling our thought process but then began to think about my own journey (and it is a journey!) toward having better control of my thoughts. When I talk about how our thoughts control our life I am not just talking about a bunch of skills and tools I have learned but I really have applied these to my life. I am still learning and always will be, I sometimes find myself slipping back into old thought patterns but compared to where I was - it's so much better. So I know this works!

So I want to start with the basics today. Where do we get these thoughts? Why do we think like we do? Well, for most of us a great deal of our thinking came from the way we were raised, the world around us (school, relationships, work, culture) and the evil spiritual forces at work in our world.

I want to take a moment to say a disclaimer, Although a part of the way we think comes from how we were raised I want to make clear that we are not blaming our parents for our negative thought process. I always tell my clients, we are not looking to our family background to blame anyone but to understand so we can move forward. Our parents had their family background that influenced them and if we are parents I can promise you our kids will be one day say how our parenting negatively influenced them in some way. :) So keep in mind anything I say about my parents is said in the context of love and understanding that they did the very best with what they had. My parents had a very difficult family background. My dad had 2 alcoholic parents and my mom had a alcoholic dad and lived in poverty. I am sure I don't know alot of things that probably happened in their lives as people of that generation didn't talk about such things.

I am 53 years old. I really only really began to get this in the last 10 years and really applying it in the last 6. I wish I could have understood while I was still raising my kids how important it is to get control of your thinking. I realize now that I can live a life in which circumstances do not determine whether I am happy or not and stress does not have to overwhelm me. I now realize that other peoples behavior or my perception of their behavior does not have to affect me negatively. In fact, I have no one to blame for my anger, depression, attitude or any other feeling I may have but myself. Now they may have caused me to feel a certain way but it is totally up to me what I do with those feelings.

I certainly am still working on this and I'm quite sure I always will be but I used to be a very angry, depressed, unhappy, discontent, negative person. Now, most people didn't know that about me because I worn a very nice happy mask most of the time. But my husband knew and I'm sure my kids were affected by it. And if you were one of those unfortunate people that got on my bad side you definitely saw that side of me! :-)

But the point is that this was where my thoughts were most of the time and it affected me in every way. It affected my self-esteem and how I viewed myself. It affected my relationship with God. It affected my relationships with the people in my life. For example I was very sensitive and easily offended. If someone said something or did something that I "perceived" as criticism or judging me or the way I did something, I would spend literally days playing it in my mind - what was said, what I should have said, how could they, would do they think they are? I would create whole situations in my mind that didn't even exist. I would either avoid or shun the person after that or finally find out my whole perception was wrong. I would feel overwhelmed emotionally - I would lose my temper, spend days and weeks feeling depressed and angry and felt like everyone was better than me. I could go on and on but all I can say is that these negative thoughts and perceptions would consume my life. I hate to think how my hours, days and months I spend in a place of unnecessary emotional turmoil.

I finally began to see that I do not have to passively meditate on whatever comes into my mind not matter what someone says or does. I have a choice on how I respond to these situations and more importantly how I allow these things to affect me emotionally. I threw away my "excuse bag" and took responsibly for my own thoughts, feelings and behavior.

Next post we will talk about how our childhood experiences have affected our thinking especially about ourselves.

"Even if it's not true and you believe it - it is true for you and you are believing a lie"

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think" Romans 12:2

Power Thoughts

Today's post will begin a new series on how our thoughts affects our life.   I'm reading the new Joyce Meyer's book "Power Thoughts"  and I would recommend it to anyone that struggles with their thoughts which is just about everyone. 

It says in Proverbs 23:7, "For as he thinks in his heart so is he."  If we think positive thoughts we become positive people and yet if we think negative thoughts we will probably be negative people and that will affect our life, our relationships and our success.

Neither I or Joyce are saying that we can think stuff into being - that is a humanistic belief but we need to recognize that our thoughts are powerful and it is a biblical concept that you see often stated in scripture.

In most secular therapy they use what is call "Cognitive therapy"  that is simply taking control of your harmful thoughts and replacing them quickly with healthy thoughts.  The only difference between that and what I am talking about is that instead of it being something we generate from within ourselves when we take our thoughts captive through Christ we are receiving more help and power from Him than ourselves - although I am a big believe that we always have to do our part first then God comes in and helps in the areas we can't. 

I believe we have the ability to choose what we think and decide what not to think and of course we have an enemy that is constantly trying to influence which way that goes. So that is what we are going to talk about for awhile - again it may be 2 posts and it may be 20.  :)

Anna's Kitty Party

The Kitty Cake

 I am trying to get back to my Life Coaching posts but I had one more family event I wanted to make note of...... Saturday we had a birthday party for my now 4 year old granddaughter - Anna.   My daughter (one of the most creative people I know) asked Anna what kind of party she would like and Anna said a kitty party so Debbie created a party around kitties.  Anna had 3 little friends come to the party and of course her sister was part of it too.  As each little girl came in they picked out a little kitty that would be theirs, from the adoption center - then they went to a station that was set up like a bath area and they cleaned their kitty's (by the way, these were stuffed kitty's)  they they went on to "Kitty Doctor Kaitlyn" to examine the kitties.  The girls all made collars for their kitties and played all kinds of fun kitty games.  Here are a few pictures of a wonderful and fun day.
Oh I must mention that Mango my "real" kitty was the host for the party!

The Adoption Center

The Host Kitty!

The birthday table

The Kitty plate (Debbie made these!)

Cleaning the Kitty's

Doctor Kaitlyn is ready for business!

Mommy and Nana (I'm writing out the adoption certificates)

making the kitty collars

Ending the day in the playroom.

HOPE

My FAVORITE word! HOPE...... in fact I have this word all over my house - it's kind of like the 'hidden mickeys" at Disney World. :)

A few months ago I had the opportunity to go to Washington state to see my Sister and her family. I was having a conversation with my niece Ginger and somehow we got on the subject of HOPE and she was telling me how she has been reading about HOPE and how it can make such a difference in how we maneuver through difficult situations. She sent me an article recently and I am going to share the basic concepts of it in today's post. The way the author categorized the way hope can be applied to a situation was something I haven't seen before. So here it is - I have reworded, added the definitions and paraphrased it some but the basic content is the same. This was a article written by David B. Ward.

Hope

Hope: a belief and feeling that a desired outcome is possible.

Foundations of Hope

• 1. Your belief (faith) and feelings that you have options to choose from to achieve your desired outcome.

1. 2.Your belief (faith) that you are willing and able to act on those options

1. 3. By the evidence you have that the desired outcome is possible (past experience, other peoples experience)

1. 4.The feeling of connection to others who support or help you achieve the desired outcome. (other people, God)

Applying Hope to Your Situation:

• 1.How you view your situation, particularly the obstacles that stand in your way. Your view of the obstacles often determines perception of your options. Conclusion: Look at what your obstacles are and how to remove them or work around them. Look at your situation as an opportunity to grow.
  

• 2.Having a time frame in place to work on a desired outcome with an attitude of hope. Putting energy into action that will make our goal more possible instead of spending time debating in our minds whether the goal is possible. Conclusion: commit to a certain amount of time and put your energy into moving toward your goal.
  

• 3.Actively look for and seek out evidence that you can achieve your desired outcome. Conclusion: Sometimes this will come as you tell others about your hopes, as your research this subject or look at what God’s word says.
  

• 4.Having a greater connection with people who support you goals or can help you achieve your goals. Conclusion: build into your week connecting rituals. Weekly times of connecting with those who support you.

In Summary, HOPE can prevail as we discover options, work toward action, remember evidence and create connections.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1

REAL Fall!

Dollywood

Well, I've been gone again for a week. Honestly, this doesn't usually happen but we had 2 vacations this year very close together. As I posted earlier in the month we had a great Alaska vacation but our family tradition goes on no matter what other plans there may be so this week we went on our Annual North Carolina Vacation. This is something that we have done as a family since my daughter Debbie was 3 years old and she is in her early 30's now...very early 30's :)

Anyway, we have gone almost every year since then - which would be about 1981 to Maggie Valley N.C. with few exceptionS. This is the 4th year we have gone with our daughter and her family. We are hoping for our son Johnny and his family to be with us next year.

If you really love family movies here is a link to see a movie I put together but I will warn you it's long! :)

http://gallery.me.com/katcu7/100693

And just in case you don't want to watch my longgggg family movie here are a few pictures of our week. Back to Life Coaching tomorrow!

At the Candy Store at Mast General - we are in heaven!!

Our little cowgirls

Trying on hats

Apples, Apples, Apples!!

Me and my best buddy!

Beautiful Falls in Deep Creek

Helping Papa feed the birds

Just doesn't get any cuter than this!

Me and my hubby!

We even met some famous people there!

All wet from the boat ride but having lots of fun

Papa and Kaitlyn....priceless

HAPPY FALL!!!!!

Happy Fall!!!!!!

Today is it!!! It is the first day of FALLLLLLLLLL!  Yes, even in Florida there is a slight change to the weather.  I'm sure even more so in other parts of the country.  I have my home totally transformed to fall and I am pretending there are mountains and cold air outside. :)

Why do I love fall so much.  It started as a little girl who was raised in Pennsylvania.  After a hot summer of July and August you would begin to feel the slight change in the air and you could almost smell fall coming.  My mom would begin her canning during that time and we would buy buckets of apples from a local market to make pies.  We would also go out into the woods and country areas to gather black walnuts.  These are walnuts that fall on the ground in the fall, you dry them out and in the drying process they have a tar like coating on them that eventually drys off.  They have the most unique taste of all the nuts.   My mom would make black walnut cake and put them on ice cream and sometime we would just eat them by themselves. Oh the wonderful memories of fall!  Of course, in Pa the leaves would change and it was so beautiful to see all the colors, the reds, yellows and oranges.  The pumpkins would begin to pop up everywhere and of course my mom would make homemade pumpkin pie!  It was many times during the fall that my brother and sister would occasionally let me go on a hike with them.  :)   One of my best memories of fall was walking home from school on a crisp cool day and seeing the windows of our house all foggy - I knew my mom was making homemade soup and bread for dinner.  Yum.  (have you noticed how much food is involved in my fall memories?)  As I got older and moved to Florida - most years we have vacationed in North Carolina in the fall just to get a hint of "real" fall each year. 

So I just wanted to dedicate this blog post to my favorite time of the year - FALL

How Our Culture Influences Us

Today we will go to a more serious subject than vacations. As I noted in a previous blog, after I came back from my vacation I then had the opportunity to do a breakout session at my church's ladies retreat. Well, normally I choose my own topic but they asked me to specifically speak on a subject so I thought I would blog about some of my findings as I prepared for this talk.

It was not a talk that everyone flocked to, in fact I was expecting about 2 people, as the first two ladies came in I told them they may be the only ones. :) I ended up with 20 ladies. God took over as He has to anytime I do anything because he and I both know I do not have the ability in myself to pull these things off.

The topic I was asked to speak on was, Sexual Healing. For anyone that has abuse, trauma or misuse in their past or present. There is so much to that subject but the thing I wanted to share today was an article I found that I felt so describes and confirmed how controlled we are by our culture.

I knew the majority of ladies that would come to my talk would be probably in their 20 and 30s so I learned a long time ago just telling them what the bible says and listing a bunch of rules doesn't work so I wanted to find a way to help them understand that the sexual choices they are making are not their own, they are not more current and relevant than previous generations - they have just grown up in a culture that has influenced them more in this area. And in fact it has not been their choice - they have been controlled.

We really can look at this in many areas of our lives and as Christians may need to ask some hard questions - such as I am being controlled by the culture in this area (whatever that may be for you) of my life or I am following God's Word.

So here is the article - it is from the August 2010 Psychology Today - (not a christian magazine)

"If you don't think our culture controls you, try to break it's unwritten rules: At the crowded restaurant, eat a banana horizontally, as if it were corn on the cob; or join the nice couple in the booth at Wendy's --it's not illegal! The booth is a public place and there is room for 4. But you wont's do it. Why? Because society says so.

Society has its prints all over your sexual script. The idea of a boyfriend, for starters is a cultural invention. What you find attractive is culturally taught. Americans like deodorant. But the French may prefer body odor. Napoleon famously wrote to Josephine: "Coming home soon. Don't bath"

How, where, when, and with whom you have sex are culturally shaped decisions. Culture made them for you while you thought you made them yourself. Around the world today there are cultures that frown on kissing, and cultures that kiss constantly. There are cultures where you get married at 12; cultures where marriage is almost and afterthought; cultures where young people select their won mates through the ritual of dating and cultures where nobody is allowed to see a naked female, ever; and cultures where females walk around half naked as a matter of course.

The things you take to be natural are in fact mostly cultural. The things you take as your own tastes are to a large measure cultural tastes."

I think this is a good way to help young women really examine what they are going to allow to control them. To realize that choices they think they are making are really not their choices at all but the control of the culture. If you know of anyone that is struggling with these issues you may share this with them. The main point being that we need to have a guide for right and wrong or what is best for us as women or people and the culture is not going to do that for us.

"And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." John 8:32