Overcoming Angry Outbursts

As we talked about last post, a common perspective of those who can't control their temper is that they really don't see how big of a problem it is. We also discussed that anger tries to convince you that it is caused by someone else's behavior.

Here is a 6 step plan to overcome angry outbursts:

1. Acknowledge the fact that you, and only you can determine if you will have an angry outburst. No on "makes" you angry. WE are responsible for our anger and We can stop it if we chose to.

2. Identify instances of your angry outbursts and their effects. Keep track of or have someone close to you track instance of angry outburst and also how they are affecting your relationships and your life in general

3. Understand why your angry outbursts take place. The purpose of an angry outburst is to inflict pain and suffering on the target so you have to ask yourself why am I punishing this person?

4. Try to avoid the conditions that make angry outbursts difficult to control. Look for trends or patterns.

5. Train yourself to control your temper when you cannot avid frustrating situations. This takes practice and time. You have to learn to respond to adversity with calmness, as you do this on a regular basis you will find your brain changes the way it handles these situations. If you can, walk away from the situation - if you can't learn how to relax.

6. Measure your progress. Measuring progress is the most critical part of this plan and the person closest to you is the best on to do this.

A Few Questions to Ask:

• Can you identify angry outbursts in relationships? If so, do you see it for what it is, an abusive and controlling habit?
• When you or someone in your life has an angry outburst does the other person point it out and if so are there consequences or punishment for giving this feedback or is it appreciated?
• Do you take full responsibility for your angry outbursts or blame them on someone else.
  
• Do you understand the conditions that tend to trigger your angry outbursts?
  
• If this is a problem area, make a worksheet entitled "Angry Outbursts" so that whenever one of your feels the other one had one your write it on your worksheet. Begin to monitor how big of a problem this is.

Next post: Selfish Demands