Disrespectful Judgements: Attempt to “straighten out another persons attitudes, beliefs and behavior by trying to impose your way of thinking through lecture, ridicule or threats.
Most of us think our way of thinking is “correct.” That others that do things differently than us are wrong and we need to change their opinion for their benefit.
But in reality this is just another form of control. First we make selfish demands and when they don’t work we begin to make disrespectful judgements. It’s really a more sophisticated and masked form of control because it can look like your motivated by care rather than selfish motives.
The sad thing is just like the other lovebusters the end result of this one is destroying the feeling of love. The difference between demands and judgements is that with a demand you are trying to force someone to do what you want – with judgements you are trying to convince someone that you are right and they are wrong in a disrespectful way.
For example lets say a husband feels the house is not being kept clean to his standards, he would try to make his wife feel guilty about the way she did her housekeeping. Or a wife doesn’t feel her husband takes care of the children to her high standards so she would try through disrespectful judgements to make him feel inadequate for the job.
We all do this and if you really think about it they rarely work. These disrespectful judgements cause pain and are a form of control because they force the other person into your way of thinking and makes them feel stupid or inadequate if they don’t work.
So how do you come to a place of compromise, where you are both happy but still feeling like the changes that need to happen are being worked on. That’s what we will explore in our next post……
These concepts are taken from a book by William Harley called “Lovebusters” which I highly recommend.