So once you realize you are allowing Independent behavior to hurt your relationships, how do you change that to the healthy relative, INTERDEPENDENCE?
- Think of a few instances of independent behavior that have been problem for you.
- Ask yourself how you have tried to justify your actions.
- Have you tried to convince yourself that you have a right to make independent decisions?
- Do you exercise independent behavior because you know it will bring up conflict if you try to get the other persons opinion.
- Be honest with yourself - has your independent behavior damaged your relationship?
So when there is a decision to be made in an interdependent manner here are the guidelines to use:
1. Set ground rules to make the discussion pleasant and safe. If it becomes disrespectful you will postpone it until emotional control is regained.
2. Introduce the conflict and try to understand each other's perspective
3. Brainstorm all the possibilities
4. Find a solution that you both agree on.
This is obviously very simplistic but it is the basic steps that need to be taken to create "compatibility" in your relationship. Compatibility is what happens when you discuss and brainstorm plans and include each other in each other's plans, dreams and desires. Start with something safe and small and try it out.
Remember it's just like a business partnership - everything is put on the table for discussion because your are "partners" not "sole proprietors".