Our next and our last lovebuster is "Independent Behavior". So you may ask, "Whats wrong with that? Independence is a good thing, Right?"
Well, just like anything, when we are out of balance in an area it usually is not healthy and that is what we are talking about here, especially in light of relationships and our marriages.
This doesn't mean you need to be dependent and clingy, that is just as unhealthy as being too independent. What we want to work toward in relationships is "Interdependence"
Let's look at the difference:
Independent Behavior: Activities of a spouse or close relationship are planned and completed as though the other person doesn't exist."
Interdependent Behavior: Activities of a spouse or close relationship are planned and completed with the interests and of the other person in mind
It's the difference between sole proprietorship and a partnership. If you own 100 percent of the business, you have the right to make your own business decisions. But if you have a partner who owes 50 percent you should come to an agreement before making decisions.
The problem with independent behavior especially in marriage or a going toward marriage relationships is that it can tear relationships apart over time. It like some of the others we discussed can very slyly sneaks up on us and before we realize it has done some major damage to our relationship.
Only Interdependent behavior will help achieve long term relational happiness. True independent behavior is laced with selfishness and thoughtlessness. It is ignoring the feelings and interests of those closest to you. In most marriages independent behavior is the primary cause of fights.
Bottom line: When you ignore you close relationships interests and feelings, you are destroying your emotional bond.
Next Post: How to move from independent behavior to interdependent behavior.