Different perspectives and value systems between a couple can bring benefit to both. Every person brings both wisdom and foolishness to a relationship. So by combining your wisdom by respectfully discussing each persons beliefs and values you can create a good system. This must be done with mutual respect which begins with being equal partners in decision making. This eliminates someone forcing their way of thinking on another or shaming them, taking over them or ridiculing them. If you want agreement it would be in the context of respectful persuasion.
So how do you do this especially if you are a controlling type person:
1. Make your discussion safe and enjoyable: Again, this is the way the discussion is conducted, without pressure and if the other person feels that they can end the discussion at that point to rejoin it later.
2. Express your conflicting opinions to each other with respect and understanding: Can you clearly express the other persons opinion as well as your own? When you can, you will eliminate misunderstanding that is so often the root problem of most disagreements. Make it clear that you understand and respect each others opinion. Now remember that doesn’t mean you accept it just that you understand and respect it but you still would like them to change it. It is demonstrating to the other person that you do see value in their opinions which means you value them.
3. Explain how your opinion might be in your spouses best interest and brainstorm ways to test the value of your opinion: Explain your opinions respectfully to each other, “Even though I don’t agree with you, I know you have good reasons for your opinion but I would like you to consider some reason that may change your mind” You may even try a test period for trying out the idea and if agreement still doesn’t come, go back to negotiating an agreeable solution.
4. If you agree based on the results of a test, you have achieved respectful persuasion. If the test fails, either go back to brainstorming or drop the subject for now.
The Goals of respectful persuasion are:
· To avoid destroying the love and care you have for each other
· To resolve conflict in a healthy manner
If you feel you have to persuade others to your way of thinking at all costs then the costs will eventually be the relationship. Remember the other person also has the right to respectfully persuade you too! You who always think you are right (and I’m speaking to myself here) you maybe surprised to find that other less controlling person has some really good ideas! Even better (dare I say it!) than ours!!